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No12turn2 posted 4/25/2014 10:23 AM

Divorce was final yesterday. I'm sad and relieved at the same time. Looking forward to getting my life back in order.

No12turn2 posted 5/1/2014 12:53 PM

8 months after the first D day and one week after divorce. I have a date tonight. Not sure if this is advised from the group, but I'm not expecting anything serious right now. Just want to get back out there and enjoy someone's company.

P.S. I've already had the rebound relationship. So many times I find I should listen the wise words spoken here and yet I'm compelled to find out for myself.

cmego posted 5/1/2014 13:47 PM

Generally just advise that the person you are on a date WITH knows you are just looking for something extremely casual. That is how you hurt innocent people…YOU want companionship and THEY think you are looking for a relationship.

That is why I stay away from separated or recently D guys. I am at the point that I want and am looking for a relationship and I make sure to ask those type questions when meeting new guys.

No12turn2 posted 5/1/2014 13:51 PM

Certainly not wanting to hurt anyone. Really hard to meet women and tell them you want a casual relationship (not just sex) without plans for committing. I'm not opposed to committing or being serious, I'm just a little scared that I may not be ready to be someone's person.

norabird posted 5/1/2014 13:54 PM

Just curious how the date came about? Are you doing OLD? I would hold off on going outa nd looking for something in that way unless you're very up front with people about what you're looking for. Also ask yourself, honestly: What are you looking for? Is this the best way to fill that need?

I too often do my learning by doing exactly what I'm not supposed to do and then realizing that everyone who tried to tell me so was right, so I get it. But really look at whether your motives are healthy.

No12turn2 posted 5/1/2014 14:03 PM

Yes, OLD. The need I'm trying to fill is just being around someone and enjoying their company. I plan to be honest about and will accept friendship even. I assure, my intentions are pure.

lieshurt posted 5/1/2014 14:04 PM

You need to be honest about your intention BEFORE you go on the date. Otherwise, you might be wasting her time.

No12turn2 posted 5/1/2014 14:07 PM

I have been, I assure you. The comment "I plan to be honest" was in general. My date for tonight knows my situation. It's actually a rare occasion. Most women don't believe a man who says I don't want a serious relationship and it's not about sex.

Williesmom posted 5/1/2014 14:15 PM

If you don't want a serious relationship, and it's not about sex,....I recommend a dog.

I'm not kidding and I'm not trying to be glib, but it's called on line DATING for a reason.

LovelyDaffodils posted 5/1/2014 14:32 PM

I don't know if it is such a bad thing. You're being up front, not looking for sex. Some companionship from a human (I spend 24/7 with dogs, so no, they are not a substitute) can be a nice thing once in a while. And doesn't have to be anything misleading about it. After what our WS put us through, we deserve to experience "normal" interaction with the other sex, I think.

lieshurt posted 5/1/2014 15:12 PM

So many times I find I should listen the wise words spoken here

^^^^Perhaps you should find that

norabird posted 5/1/2014 15:37 PM

Personally, if you just want to be social and meet friends, with the possibility of something more, I think that is where you should be looking. It will expand your circle, keep you busy, and keep expectations low. It's a great way to let yourself come into your own!

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