NOT ALONE: I feel like I’ve been in the dark so long….. That I can’t remember which way is right or wrong…. I shuffle my feet in a forward moving way….. Knowing there is no good to stop and stay…. I’m scared and sad and do not know when…. This darkness will come to a final end…. The trail seems long, steep, and winding…. The past and current struggles seem oh so binding…. I don’t know how I will find the strength to go on…. It all seems like hopeless night, no hint of a pending dawn… Tears fall from my eyes….and I fall to my knees…. Dear lord just take me away…. I’m begging you please…. My sobs suddenly stopped and I was beckoned to stand… With the grasp from the side of one tiny little hand… She held on so tightly….her love glowed all around…. And for the 1st time in a long time…..I felt my heart pound…. She bravely stepped forward…pulling me near…. And said, “Mommy…the light is ahead…don’t cry I’m here.”
I feel like I’ve been in the dark so long…..
That I can’t remember which way is right or wrong….
I shuffle my feet in a forward moving way…..
Knowing there is no good to stop and stay….
I’m scared and sad and do not know when….
This darkness will come to a final end….
The trail seems long, steep, and winding….
The past and current struggles seem oh so binding….
I don’t know how I will find the strength to go on….
It all seems like hopeless night, no hint of a pending dawn…
Tears fall from my eyes….and I fall to my knees….
Dear lord just take me away…. I’m begging you please….
My sobs suddenly stopped and I was beckoned to stand…
With the grasp from the side of one tiny little hand…
She held on so tightly….her love glowed all around….
And for the 1st time in a long time…..I felt my heart pound….
She bravely stepped forward…pulling me near….
And said, “Mommy…the light is ahead…don’t cry I’m here.”
ME - BW - 35 HIM - XWH - 39 D day: November 15th, 2009 Married: 5 Years, together 8 Divorced: December 13th, 2010 New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12
Reconciled
Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the government my race to keep 30,000 strong and we are ready to run Please don't shutdown until we're done We've trained real hard for months on end And have an important message we want to send We won't stop until we hit Twenty-six point two The streets will bleed red white and blue If I die before crossing the finishline drag me across and get my official time... For today isn't about medals or races at all Its to honor those who fight, stand, and fall! Run Strong. Run United. Semper Fi
Run Strong. Run United. Semper Fi
And the below is my "Letter to baby" that I wrote while pregnant.....
Dear baby, I have hoped and prayed for your existence long before you became a reality! You are my special miracle that God has chosen to bless my life with. I have carried you now 38 weeks today and with every movement, kick, and hiccup, I have fallen that much more in love with you! I can't wait to finally hold you in my arms, coo over you, spoil you, and love you for the rest of my existence and beyond! I've had to face some challenges and heartbreaks throughout this journey, but the one thing that has always remained unwavering & constant has been my unrelenting need and desire to be the best mommy to you possible! This world can be an unforgiving place at times, but know this.... My love and God's love for you is infinite and endless! You will always be loved, feel safe, and hold a special place in my heart and life! I hope that I can instill upon you as much love, wisdom, hope, faith, and courage to take on life positively and with a fearless demeanor the way my father and sister have taught me! It is important for you to know that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to and to never give up on your dreams! Be yourself and surround yourself with people that appreciate you for all that you are and will become! Never sacrifice your identity, individuality, and character for anything and fight for what you truly believe in! Keep your word...your promises... and your moral compass intact as they will help guide your heart and life in the right direction to happiness and self-contentment! Just remember that no matter how hard things get, or how hopeless situations may seem.....when patience wears thin and life seems unfair; it is only temporary. Life's difficulties exist so that we may appreciate the good times that much more! You will prevail through many hardships and grow wiser and stronger for having survived them! There is always light at the end of the tunnel.....and always remember that I will be there with you....holding your hand.....every step of the way....in the dark...until we find it!!! You are so very special to me and are my "something unexpected" that I had hoped for for such a long time. You are the best gift I have ever received and the most precious cargo I have ever protected! You are my life baby girl and I love you so very much! And, I can't wait to finally meet you! Please don't make mommy wait too awful much longer..... ;-) I hope that I can make you half as proud of me as I already am just to have the honor of being your mother! I love you Piper! Your mommy....
I have hoped and prayed for your existence long before you became a reality! You are my special miracle that God has chosen to bless my life with. I have carried you now 38 weeks today and with every movement, kick, and hiccup, I have fallen that much more in love with you! I can't wait to finally hold you in my arms, coo over you, spoil you, and love you for the rest of my existence and beyond!
I've had to face some challenges and heartbreaks throughout this journey, but the one thing that has always remained unwavering & constant has been my unrelenting need and desire to be the best mommy to you possible! This world can be an unforgiving place at times, but know this.... My love and God's love for you is infinite and endless! You will always be loved, feel safe, and hold a special place in my heart and life!
I hope that I can instill upon you as much love, wisdom, hope, faith, and courage to take on life positively and with a fearless demeanor the way my father and sister have taught me! It is important for you to know that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to and to never give up on your dreams! Be yourself and surround yourself with people that appreciate you for all that you are and will become! Never sacrifice your identity, individuality, and character for anything and fight for what you truly believe in! Keep your word...your promises... and your moral compass intact as they will help guide your heart and life in the right direction to happiness and self-contentment!
Just remember that no matter how hard things get, or how hopeless situations may seem.....when patience wears thin and life seems unfair; it is only temporary. Life's difficulties exist so that we may appreciate the good times that much more! You will prevail through many hardships and grow wiser and stronger for having survived them! There is always light at the end of the tunnel.....and always remember that I will be there with you....holding your hand.....every step of the way....in the dark...until we find it!!!
You are so very special to me and are my "something unexpected" that I had hoped for for such a long time. You are the best gift I have ever received and the most precious cargo I have ever protected! You are my life baby girl and I love you so very much! And, I can't wait to finally meet you! Please don't make mommy wait too awful much longer..... ;-) I hope that I can make you half as proud of me as I already am just to have the honor of being your mother!
I love you Piper!
Your mommy....
[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 3:52 PM, April 25th (Friday)]
Thanks for sharing.
May I make a suggestion? Next time you're feeling creative, jot down a few lines longhand to/for Nana and snailmail them to her wherever she's recovering. Drop in a few pics of Piper, also.
It's mean the world to her! And I guarantee that you'll feel great, too.
Have a good weekend, Shelly & Piper.
This was absolutely beautiful & spoke to me
Thank you.... writing and singing are outlets for me that I had forgotten how theraputic they were. Usually running is my biggest outlet for feelings of stress and being overwhelmed....but writing your feelings out in a poem can be very releasing.... or belting out one of my favorite songs too... I'm glad you liked it!
k9
