Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: 321maison

New Beginnings :
Relationship Questions

This Topic is Archived
smile1

 sns53097 (original poster member #34598) posted at 9:20 PM on Friday, April 25th, 2014

New update! I am in a relationship, and as cheezy as it sounds he seems to be my long lost twin. We get along great, and have most major life decisions in common. We have both been married and divorced. Him twice. We both have 12 year old daughters, and I have an 18 year old daughter. Everyone gets along, from us to the kids, and my parents love him.

He lives about 25-30 miles away from he. He in a house, me in an apartment. He works not too far from my house, but has animal responsibilities and works 10 hour days. So we mainly see each other on the weekends, but communicate via text and phone everyday.

The only frustration we share is wanting to see each other more. We have brought up moving in and getting engaged a few times, but neither of us want to rush things too much. What are some constructive solutions, or is it not too early to think these thoughts?

I don't remember how to date, or move the relationship along like this. LOL. I feel dumb being so clueless. Thanks for all help.

BS(me)--34
WS (him)--34
Married-- 5/31/1997
DDay-- 1/8/2012
Filed-- 2/17/2012
Final - 4/22/13
Daughters-- 12 & 18

posts: 174   ·   registered: Jan. 20th, 2012
id 6773944
default

norabird ( member #42092) posted at 9:25 PM on Friday, April 25th, 2014

Sounds nice How long have you been dating?

Sit. Feast on your life.

posts: 4324   ·   registered: Jan. 16th, 2014   ·   location: NYC
id 6773950
default

 sns53097 (original poster member #34598) posted at 9:27 PM on Friday, April 25th, 2014

I forgot to put that didn't I? We started talking in December, officially in a relationship for about three months.

BS(me)--34
WS (him)--34
Married-- 5/31/1997
DDay-- 1/8/2012
Filed-- 2/17/2012
Final - 4/22/13
Daughters-- 12 & 18

posts: 174   ·   registered: Jan. 20th, 2012
id 6773954
default

Lonelygirl10 ( member #39850) posted at 9:33 PM on Friday, April 25th, 2014

I personally think 3 months is too soon to start talking about engagement. At the three month mark with my ex, I thought he was perfect. We agreed on every single issue. I didn't start to see the real him until about a year later. I think people can hold their breath, so to speak, for around a year. So I think you should take more time to get to know him.

Maybe spend whole weekends together? Or stay the night together during the week? Not sure if that's feasible, but that's usually the next step for me

posts: 1803   ·   registered: Jul. 17th, 2013
id 6773965
default

 sns53097 (original poster member #34598) posted at 9:51 PM on Friday, April 25th, 2014

Well, we have spent whole weekends together. During the week just hasn't seemed to pan out. If I'm waiting for him to show me something I could be waiting a long time. The man I was married to took 15 years to flip on me. That's a long time to hide things.

Well, I guess it's time to hit the breaks. I feel a little dissapointed, but I don't want to rush either.

BS(me)--34
WS (him)--34
Married-- 5/31/1997
DDay-- 1/8/2012
Filed-- 2/17/2012
Final - 4/22/13
Daughters-- 12 & 18

posts: 174   ·   registered: Jan. 20th, 2012
id 6773982
default

Lonelygirl10 ( member #39850) posted at 10:04 PM on Friday, April 25th, 2014

I agree anyone can be a risk and change years into the future. But I think it's harder to keep up the lies for that long. I generally think people are on their best behavior during the honeymoon time at the beginning, and then the real person starts to show. But, just my personal opinion.

Can you try to set aside a day during the week to see eqch other? In my last relationship, we always saw each other Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

posts: 1803   ·   registered: Jul. 17th, 2013
id 6773994
default

 sns53097 (original poster member #34598) posted at 10:07 PM on Friday, April 25th, 2014

I wish. His job is pretty demanding. He wakes up at 4, and works all day, so he goes to bed pretty early. If he stayed with me, then had to drive all the way home he'd be so exhausted the next day and I would feel terrible. I guess the weekends will just have to work.

BS(me)--34
WS (him)--34
Married-- 5/31/1997
DDay-- 1/8/2012
Filed-- 2/17/2012
Final - 4/22/13
Daughters-- 12 & 18

posts: 174   ·   registered: Jan. 20th, 2012
id 6774000
default

norabird ( member #42092) posted at 10:14 PM on Friday, April 25th, 2014

Okay, three months is very soon! Every weekend sounds just right for where you are. Slow and steady wins the race. I'm sure some weekdays will end up creeping in there from time to time as you keep getting to know each other. But ease up on moving to the next step for right now and just enjoy where you are.

Sit. Feast on your life.

posts: 4324   ·   registered: Jan. 16th, 2014   ·   location: NYC
id 6774007
default

 sns53097 (original poster member #34598) posted at 10:19 PM on Friday, April 25th, 2014

I don't know why it's so hard on me. I feel like I'm not getting enough time with him. It is frustrating to me. Then on the weekends he usually has some sort of outside stuff to do, so we don't have a lot of time to just spend, you know? Thanks though. I guess maybe I need to take a step back and relax.

BS(me)--34
WS (him)--34
Married-- 5/31/1997
DDay-- 1/8/2012
Filed-- 2/17/2012
Final - 4/22/13
Daughters-- 12 & 18

posts: 174   ·   registered: Jan. 20th, 2012
id 6774013
default

norabird ( member #42092) posted at 10:42 PM on Friday, April 25th, 2014

Hm...does he know you feel this way about weekends? Ask for more focused attention. That doesn't mean saying 'you can't do your outside work!'--just expressing you want the time you have together to be meaningful. And at three months, a little more 'romantic' time is called for. Life involves a lot of mundane tasks that can't be ignored, but dating someone takes an investment of time and energy as much as those chores do, too.

Communicating needs and making sure you are both focusing on each other is really important. Trust me, you really want that part to be right before you start moving forward!

Sit. Feast on your life.

posts: 4324   ·   registered: Jan. 16th, 2014   ·   location: NYC
id 6774046
default

UndecidedinMA ( member #33732) posted at 10:59 PM on Friday, April 25th, 2014

Yousaid in your 1st post you spend W/E together, then change to he has things to do on W/Es.

So how much of the w/E do you actually get to spend together? Can you go with him on the mundane tasks? Heck even grocery shopping can be romantic with the right person

ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

posts: 1005   ·   registered: Oct. 26th, 2011   ·   location: MA
id 6774068
default

Amazonia ( member #32810) posted at 1:46 AM on Saturday, April 26th, 2014

Are you happy when you're alone? Down time without him, I mean. Were you happy before you started dating him?

The urgency for more time together makes me wonder if you're finding an unhealthy amount of your happiness in him.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

posts: 14469   ·   registered: Jul. 17th, 2011
id 6774232
default

fireproof ( member #36126) posted at 1:49 AM on Saturday, April 26th, 2014

Time. When I was dating my ex he was farther away and his schedule was extremely busy. That being said ask for more time or use it as an opportunity to slow it down.

Weekends are good but general life you can see more. A friend told me you have to see them in at least 10 different environments. 3 months primarily on the weekends is not that long.

Enjoy but sometimes and I mean sometimes to have normal life after infidelity and divorce feels normal but it really is too quick. See the person- if he is meant to be then it will work out.

posts: 1563   ·   registered: Jul. 14th, 2012
id 6774240
smile1

 sns53097 (original poster member #34598) posted at 8:50 PM on Monday, May 5th, 2014

Sorry, not trying to be confusing. I was happy before I started talking to him. I am happy on my own now, I just know things could be easier if we lived closer. I do go over there to spend time with him while he is doing his outside tasks. I just wanted to get some opinions on what the general thought is about my situation.

BS(me)--34
WS (him)--34
Married-- 5/31/1997
DDay-- 1/8/2012
Filed-- 2/17/2012
Final - 4/22/13
Daughters-- 12 & 18

posts: 174   ·   registered: Jan. 20th, 2012
id 6786578
default

Crescita ( member #32616) posted at 9:16 PM on Monday, May 5th, 2014

How about meeting each other half way every Wednesday for dinner? Or maybe you could join him for lunch once a week.

Another thing you might want to consider before cohabitation is just moving closer. 6-12 months on a new apartment lease is a nice amount of time to see how things go without over committing.

“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

posts: 3640   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2011   ·   location: The Valley of the Sun
id 6786626
default

InnerLight ( member #19946) posted at 9:21 PM on Monday, May 5th, 2014

It seems you got married young, and were married quite awhile. That makes me think you have not yet experienced the delights of getting to know someone slowly by engaging in a romantic courtship and dating over a long period of time. You haven't been on your own for very long as an adult either. Why the rush after 3 months to spend more time and to live together? You say you are happy on your own, but it seems you could take advantage of this time to learn more about who you are outside of a major relationship, and to experience romance without living with someone.

BS, 64 yearsD-day 6-2-08D after 20 years together
The journey from Armageddon to Amazing Life happens one step at a time. Don't ever give up!

posts: 6688   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2008   ·   location: Rural California
id 6786636
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20250404a 2002-2025 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy