I finally got my WW to read the book How To Help Your Spouse Heal... and she took it very well. It seems like she has finally started to "get it", and I was honestly overjoyed. She started doing and saying all of the things that she should have done a year ago, and apologized for the way she had done things wrong in terms of showing remorse, NC, TT, etc.
When I asked her to read the book (in an email), I also gave her an ultimatum of complete honesty and transparency. I said to read the book first so that she can understand what I mean by that, as well as understand the torment I have been going through. She read the book immediately, taking time out of her work day! Her apologies and remorse were immediate.
When I talked about transparency in the email, I specifically told her to not "clean up" any emails, texts, facebook messages, etc. that she thought I would take the wrong way. I specifically told her that it was this type of withholding the truth and TT (and also lying about it previously on multiple occasions) that has sent me in a tailspin and re-destroyed any trust that we had been building.
So this was Wednesday that I emailed and she read the book. We talked and emailed (we seem to communicate about some of this stuff better through written word) over the last two days. I again stressed the complete honesty, telling me everything, good and bad, and that it would be a million times better to discover any additional "bad" stuff by her telling me, as opposed to me finding it in an email or text or something. I suggested that she just assume that I had already seen everything, whether I really had or not.
I guess she didn't think I had seen any of her recent communications, because when I looked at her facebook messages this morning, there was one glaring omission. She had had a kind of flirty conversation over the last month (only maybe 10 short one line messages back and forth) with a former lover of hers (not the current OP). It was the type of conversation that might seem harmless unless you knew their history, which was a short but intense fling about 5 years ago when he was single and she was just getting divorced from her first husband. The facebook conversation dipped into "reminiscing" territory, both wondering to each other what life would have been like if they had stayed together.
So in the context of her EA she had while with me, I think it's way out of bounds to even be contacting this guy, let alone mentioning the things they did. This is kind of how the current EA started, with seemingly harmless emails and texts while WW and I were dating. The fact that she deleted the conversation is all the more damning that she knew it was out of bounds.
What really gets me is that she chose to cover it up/lie of omission. I've told her on multiple occasions that continuing to lie and cover up is the worst thing that she can possibly do to me in our R, short of continuing in the EA/PA.
Am I right to be so shattered right now? It's just so soon after her acting so believably remorseful, and taking some real action steps for our R. She may be "getting it" in some ways, but I'm afraid she might be a pathological liar, or something.
(I haven't confronted her about it yet. She's gone this morning until this afternoon with her mom and my daughter.)