Did you confront him?
Do you have any family or friends nearby? You should rally whoever you can around you and for now, don't confront. Clear your head first, take a breather and move from there.
For now, the best thing is to breath. Eat what you can and get as much sleep as you can. Exercise like a crazy person. And if you are so inclined, pray like never before.
I won't give you any direct advice on what to do, but I'll put it this way: If you had a friend going through what you are going through, what you advise them?
Stillstings is right, it can be a little slow on the weekend, so don't feel like we aren't all here for you.
There's a really good post that's been bumped in the general section that you should read. Here is the link so you can read it. It's called "Calling all BS's..." BS is betrayed spouse (or partner, GF, BF whatever), in case you didn't know.)
I'm sure others will come along with better advice than I, but I would really recommend reading the 180 in the healing library. The 180 is FOR YOU, NOT HIM. Right now you need to focus only on yourself. Forget him.
You cannot "nice" your WBF back into the relationship, so don't waste your breath and dignity trying.
Don't forget to take care of yourself. Don't forget to eat, drink plenty of water and get sleep when you can.
Also, this is one of my favorite SI posts of all time. I recommend it to a lot of new members because I'm nearly a year from DDAY and I STILL read this post about once a week. It helps me. It's called "Honey, they always affair down" Please read it!!
As far as your cruise goes...I have no idea what to say about that...maybe you can call the company and at least get your dates changed so you can go with someone else next year or something? Who's name is it under? Did you guys pay together, or separate? Or at least if they let you change it to a date next year, you'll have some time to figure out a girlfriend you can go with or something. I've never been in a situation like that so I'm not sure what the protocol is. But I'm sure you don't want to be stuck on a ship in the middle of the ocean with him right now...Try to change it, and if you can't, then let him go by himself.
Sending you some strength today Justhisfool. You are not alone. And as much as it doesn't seem like it, you will be OK. It gets better. You will not feel the same as you do right now for the rest of your life. Just take everything one day at a time. Don't think about tomorrow or next week, month or year. Just take it day by day. That's all anyone can do. We are here for you!
Together 9 years
DDay: June 24, 2013
If you are able, I would encourage you to find an IC to help you navigate through all of this. You need to talk with someone. If IC is not possible, turn to a trustworthy friend or family member, and continue to seek assistance here.
You deserve better....believe this.
Wishing you strength.
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
Listen to all of the advice here about taking care of your health and then TODAY think of one thing that you can do towards getting out of there and back to being independent. Even if it is just stuffing away ten bucks. Then every day do something that will make it easier for you to leave if you have to.
Your situation just makes me angry. That a guy could treat you this way....
Secondly: For future reference, never empty your 401k to buy a boyfriend a new car.
Thirdly: Love yourself a little more than you "love" him. I say that in quotes because your relationship does not seem to be based on love. You seem to be dependent on him and he appears to be using you. You are "tired of being his fool, scared of being alone" "love him so much . . . .but he can't possibly love me and do this to me again . . . " You're right, this is not love.
Your world has been turned upside for a reason. Karma is telling you GET OUT!! GET OUT NOW!! This sick relationship is the reason you a) have no money b) rarely have any friends c) feel your world has been turned upside down.
Let go of the noose (and the guy tightening it around your neck), focus on yourself, get to know, love and respect yourself, and your life will change for the better with real friends.
You're being used to help finance his new car and cruises and everything else. NEVER, EVER do that for any guy you're not married to. And especially, NEVER empty out your 401k account - EVER - for a frivolous purchase like a car.
USE this as a lesson to never, ever do that again.
Just because you've been tapped out by a scammer doesn't mean you don't have options. You DO. Your 401k is for retirement, not for immediate needs like your own apartment or a car, etc. So thinking you can't leave this rotten person just because your 401k is drained is erroneous thinking. Hell, without him in your life sucking every dollar you have, you'll eventually be able to rebuild your 401k. So that's a temporary problem, not a permanent one.
Secondly, as another suggested, take a person you love and who loves and RESPECTS you on your cruise with you, not Mr. User. He's a lying, cheating, using opportunist and nothing more, so don't hand him one more RED CENT.
Lastly, it's unfortunate that you chose to make him the center of your universe which adversely affected your capacity to make friends outside your relationship (you say you don't really have any friends). One thing you'll learn in life is that friends are forever but boyfriends and husbands are never a sure bet.
Sadly, that's another hard lesson you'll learn from this relationship and hopefully not allow it to happen again in your next.
You know you need to go. To stay and forgive him - yet again - just sends the message that you're too weak to stand up for yourself and too in love with him to the point where you'll compromise your own pride and self respect.
Don't be that doormat for ANYONE.
Here are the facts you describe: this man's actions show you that he does NOT love you, no matter what his words say. He has betrayed you before, is betraying you now, and will continue to betray you for as long as you let him.
You need to leave, car or no, money or no. Being alone is MUCH better than being with someone who treats you so badly. Do you have at least one friend or family member who you could stay with temporarily?
And go on that cruise, sweetie, but take someone who is good to you. You deserve it!
IM SO DEVASTATED! !!!! His words are like a sharp dagger to om my heart.
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs.
When someone shows you who they ARE, believe them. He's shown MANY TIMES who he is. Believe it.
Absolutely THIS!!! I am coming to terms with this myself about my own husband. I told him and myself that infidelity would be a deal-breaker for me. He decided to have an EA and I have spent the last five months trying to "reconcile." I see no way for it to happen. I always wondered if infidelity (EA or PA) would really be a deal-breaker for me. Turns out, it is. I plan on filing for divorce this coming week.
You have to stand up for yourself, JustHIsFool. Do NOT let yourself be a fool for himself anymore. I know it's hard because you're in a difficult position but you must find a way. He is going to destroy you if you let him. Do NOT let him do that to you. You are an awesome, inspiring, beautiful person - you deserve better than what that POS is doing to you. Hugs!!!