I recently divorced after being in a relationship for 35 years. I thought I knew the man I have known since I was 18 yrs old. In February of 2011 I found out that he was having an online affair with an old friend. I stated quite clearly throughout our relationship that I wanted him to leave me out of respect before becoming involved with someone else. I knew the devastation I would feel, if I were betrayed.
Ever since I found out about his on line activities he has become a person I do not recognize. He has never apologized and said we would talk about what happened after we divorce. We have yet to have this discussion even though the divorce was finalized in July 2013.
My issues are how to deal with what my life was like for 35 years. A joke? I asked him to show me the emails and he did. It was clear that he was dealing with a woman who wanted attention from as many men as she could and told me herself that she never intended to have a relationship with him and that she thought he was obsessed with her. She threw him right under the bus.
In one of the emails he was telling her about my health issues. I have a benign tumor that had me hysterical. He thought that it would be helpful for me if he used humor about my tumor. I biggest fear was having to have surgery to remove the tumor. But,in one email he told her that he suggested using a butter knife to open my head and remove the tumor or he could insert a pop top lid and just pull the lid to remove my tumor. I told him to stop making these remarks. They were upsetting to me. So, in his email to his friend he was explaining this to her and said that the mistake was he should have suggested a melon baller to remove the tumor!!!! When I asked him about this comment and he did not apologize, but said instead that the email was not written for me to see.
His unrecognizable behavior and treatment of me has left me devistated. Emotionally and financially. I ended up committing my self for suicidal thoughts. He knew of my plan. Did not tell me to get help or tell other people. What he did do was try and blackmail me into giving him my life insurance to care for our cat. She was all I cared about.
I am seen by a neuropsychiatric and I am very good about taking my meds. I also see a counselor. Despite all this I am having a very hard time moving on. Was 35 years of my life for not? And I cannot get over how he could joke about my brain tumor. I thought he loved me. How could he make that comment.
Any advice would be appreciated.