SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives
Trust
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
BrokenButTrying posted 4/27/2014 12:30 PM
Answering another thread got me thinking.
I don't trust anyone implicitly with anything. I don't know what that feels like, I don't understand how it's even possible. It seems sort of naive, to me at least. Maybe I've just been burned too many times and I'm cynical. That way of thinking can't be normal, surely?
I don't feel damaged by that. I don't feel my relationships with anyone are tainted or worse off because of it. Maybe I should bring it up with my IC?
cindergirl posted 4/27/2014 14:02 PM
Not sure I know what "normal" is anymore. Ha.
I would bring it up with your IC. Being burned lots of times will damage the part of you that trusts. I'm not sure if having a shadow of mistrust is a detriment to your relationships or not. There's a difference between being cynical, being guarded, and just knowing in the back of your mind that humans are flawed and have the capacity to hurt you. The latter is normal. Human beings are flawed and do hurt other people, sometimes intentionally, sometimes not.
For me, I know that my lack of trust definitely damaged the relationship, in lots of ways. But it was an extreme lack of trust (grounded in the realities of being deceived by my BP--which I know you can relate to.) Distrust born out of betrayal is different than a general sense of wariness. It sounds like you're experiencing both.
BaxtersBFF posted 4/27/2014 19:54 PM
I was going to go into a convoluted story about my own trust issues, but decided to ask if you've really determined this is actually about trust? Or is it something else?
Do people trust you? Do you trust yourself?
BrokenButTrying posted 4/28/2014 01:46 AM
Yes, I think this stems back to FOO stuff. I knew a lot of very adult stuff at a very young age, I didn't trust the adults in my life. Things got worse as I got older.
People trust me, yes. My A was completely out of character. Do I trust myself? Before my A I did. Obviously my self trust has taken a huge hit, I'm in repair but I will heal.