We were doing ok for a while and then have had a bumpy month. It is 2 yrs out since 1st dday so I know I've been on edge and WH's shame cycles are also more evident.
Last weekend, I tried to make an effort and arranged for our DDs to be at grandma's for the whole weekend to spend time with my WH. We had not done that in 3 years - and definitely not since the Ddays. So despite an emotionally draining month, I wanted to work at it.
I had a great weekend planned but left some open time for him to suggest what he'd like to do. After nearly a decade and a half of knowing each other, for the first time EVER, he suggested pottery class.
This was OW#1's favorite hobby.
And a sore point because at one time after Dday, he couldn't name one single hobby of mine and ultimatly said I stick things on the walls - meaning that I put up a few photo frames of our kids on one of the walls. Wow! Really? Appparently, I have no interested or hobbies but he did know his OW's hobbies/interests and even took them to places related to them.
So imagine my disgust when he suggested pottery.
End of weekend before it even started.
Kept to myself and did some spring cleaning instead.
Still reeling from this.
My mind is playing games on me again, back on full alert, guard is up, trust is back down, safety down.
Makes me think he was thinking of OW.
Missing her? Wanting her?
With a billion other options, why would he suggest pottery when I have NEVER expressed an interest in it and he is definitely not into anything artsy whatsoever.
Just a fluke slip up? That's what he says.
Just an unthinking schmuck?
Or is there something deeper? subconscious?
No point in his words since I'm on danger alert and don't believe/trust him now anyway.
I do believe NC has been maintained in the physical world. But how about in his mind or heart?