SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I've asked my wife for divorce 3 days ago. I'm wondering if employing the 180 will help or hinder a joint filing? Basically we both have agreed to end the marriage, but I don't think either of us are ready to divorce from a legal standpoint. Rather than spending lots of cash trying to define this divorce, I'm intrigued by the joint filing aspect - both approaches require the spouses to work together to some degree. But I also feel that we can abort that approach and seek legal counsel if we find that we can't agree on divorce topics (property, spousal support, etc.)

Slicer, you would need to give more details in order for others to advise you.

Do you have mutual property? Children? Investments? What is the work situation for both of you?

Yes we have real estate, children 13 and 15, investments, checking, savings, 20 years of accumulated items

A 180 is consistent with talking through a divorce.

Even as you go through a joint filing, you should have an attorney to separately advise you on the terms you are jointly drafting.

Your STBX need not know about that if you're so inclined.

Divorce and divorce law are tricky.

Kids, don't try this at home!

YOu both need lawyers. D is adversarial. If you are totally civil it can be fairly inexpensive but I guarantee u will have issues. If you didn;t you wouldn;t be getting D. A decent L can protect you from yourself too. My L challenged me for being too nice. Had he not been there I would have offered more.

Here is the standard d in SC:

http://www.south-carolina-divorce.com/standard-visitation.html

It will give you something to think about when writing yours. I would put as much in writing as you can, because things get really messy some weekends for us -- kids 16 and 13. We both have first right of refusal -- so if he works, I get the kids so they are not with the OW. YOu could also look up other state's guidelines. For instance in TX if the noncustodial parent doesn't give enough notice of summer visitation, then they get June 15-30. In Ark, it is standard that whomever has the kids has to get them to their activities (we've had a fight over that one as WS doesn't want to do anything).

I would have a free consult with an atty. The guy I was gonna use said it would be $500 for him to draw it up, we could both sign in his office AND it would protect me, as I was the client, but not to tell my WS that.

Yes we have real estate, children 13 and 15, investments, checking, savings, 20 years of accumulated items

With this amount of *stuff* to deal with, you should expect that you will seek legal counsel....if only to look over the agreement that you reach with your WW and help you to structure it properly.

Use non-committal statements. "This is how I would like to split our shit," "*this* division may work," etc. Stay far away from saying anything like "you can keep your IRA" unless it is a total no-brainer that relinquishing your right to it will be *ok.*

Divorce and divorce law are tricky.

Do NOT sign off on anything or 100% agree to anything withOUT running it by a L first.

Consulting a L does not guarantee that that the process is going to blow up and you'll wind up in court. The L will look at the proposed agreement and point out the pros/cons/risks of the proposal and offer suggestions for something that may be more better suited for you in the long term.

You don't HAVE to take the L's advice.

The important thing is that you make an informed decision with the best advice and information (from an objective party -- which *you* aren't) available to you.