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Newest Member: ashm7 (60758)

User Topic: How Do I Start Over
Member # 43255
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found out the man I was engaged to marry was cheating on me and it broke my heart. He called to tell me good night and he didn't sound right. He was whispering. He cheated on me before. I got the worse feeling in the pit of my stomach. I drove to his house and realized that he was not home. I called him and said where are you. He said he was at home in bed. I was in his drive way. He was not at home. The next day he lied and said he was out with his fraternity brothers. We argued and I broke off the engagement.

I never got any closure he refused to answer my questions but started to make threats like he never knew me. I filed for a protective order and he filed a fake one against me. This resulted in me paying out thousands for an attorney.

After 8 years this is how it all ended. He told me that if I had just stayed at home in bed everything would have been fine. I feel numb. I want my life back. I want to smile again but I am so HURT about this.

How do I start over after a big mess like this?

Posts: 12 | Registered: Apr 2014
♀ 43244
Member # 43244
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish that I could tell you how. I'm still in the beginning stages of this myself and I have some degree of closure in that my WH told me what had happened.

I think the best thing you can do is focus on yourself. Take care of yourself, find ways to be happy or find a hobby to get involved in. It won't change what happened, but it might help you start to focus on your needs and begin to heal.

Posts: 17 | Registered: Apr 2014
♂ 14866
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Welcome to SI. While you are hurting right now this certainly doesn't imply that this hurt will rule your life forever. You can and will heal. The first step for you sound like putting the whole stole story out so that you can see how it is solely on him. He owns his choices and you should also see the disrespect he showed you through his lying.

If you feel alone or find yourself idle then definitely look into a hobby or a class or tray something new. It is hard to get any enjoyment out of life if you sit on the sidelines.

Posts: 54405 | Registered: Jun 2007
♂ 42858
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crushed: Telling you everything would have been fine if had stayed home is bullshit. I am so sorry you are here but glad you found us. We have all been through the pain of betrayal. How long ago was the betrayal and you finding out?

Please understand, NONE of this is your fault. You are only guilty of unconditionally trusting someone you loved with all your heart and wanted to spend the rest of your life with. That is not broken or wrong. He is.

I understand the closure part of it. After 4 months I am in D and still know so little about the affairs. It can seem maddening until you get to a point where you can let it go.

Please keep posting and trying to breathe.

I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
♀ 42971
Member # 42971
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he cheated on you once and then cheated again, I'm sorry but he is not worthy of you. You have to realize that you deserve much, much more than what you have gotten from this guy. He won't answer questions and tells you if you had just stayed at home and not gone to his house everything would be fine? Seriously? I'm sorry but I would dump him. You're not married and he's doing this to you? Marrying you won't change a thing except get you more deeply involved with him - emotionally, financially, etc. You do NOT want to be married to someone like him. I know you love him and it will be hard but you have to stand up for yourself.

Posts: 76 | Registered: Apr 2014
Topic Posts: 5

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