For feeling like I am now ruining his life!!
I have asked for a separation.
I have told the kids and why.
I am openly looking for someplace to move to and taking the kids to look at some of the houses
I am trying to be civil. I am also the one that has taken the spare single bed.
I did ask him to stop the touching when he tried to Hoover, so I made him feel bad.
Yet he acts all sad and I feel like the bad one! So frustrating.
So then I look up sites and read to help me feel better about breaking up the family and leaving him on his own. I feel the need to reassure my self that I am justified in being "the mean one now"
Here are some quotes I must read over and over
The first one is about the fact that I never really pursued the identity of the OW....I didn't blame her. I always blamed WH. But then there were a couple of girls I suspected he was with at least emotionally but probably physically as well. And I wondered how they could have done that to me. One slightly knew me.
And the next quote is because I have always felt partly responsible for him leaving and cheating the first time.(BTW I didn't find out he cheated during that time until 4 years ago) It was while I was going thru counselling for my past Childhood sexual abuse that I had kept secret.....only to have the fears resurface when the abuser moved closer to my city. Maybe I wasn't there for him as I should have been. Maybe I was more needy. And he also said I rarely initiated sex anymore
I know that when a spouse cheats a person’s first reaction is to blame the other man/other woman. There is that need to know as much as possible about the person your spouse became involved with and to understand what makes that person tick.
In the end though, you will come to the determination that it isn’t so much about the other person and more about the person you are married to. If you need understanding then, seek understanding.
Don’t allow your need to understand the other person keep you from dealing with the real problem at hand…the person you married and chose to cheat on you.
And
Whatever the reason it is the cheaters to own. If a man is not getting his needs met in the marriage it is his place to solve that problem without bringing a third person into the situation.
If a man has an issue with boundaries or low self-esteem, it is not his wife’s place to suffer the consequences. If you’ve been a victim of infidelity more than likely your husband has blamed you in some way.
I don’t believe in being a victim and I don’t believe in taking responsibility for someone else’s actions. If your husband has cheated and tries to tell you it was because there were problems in the marriage remind him that you were living in the same troubled marriage and chose not to cheat. A choice he could have made himself. A choice he is responsible for,
not you
.
[This message edited by deena at 11:51 PM, April 27th (Sunday)]