Yes I can fully understand what your BW is going through. I hate those moments waking up and like devastated30 said, there is this moment or glimpse of happiness or normalcy and then boom, its like living in a nightmare. Sometimes the shock still gets to me, and I can't believe this is happening to me. When my WS is home I usually have better days. But he also spends his time showing me affection and trying to make my days better.
When your BW is sad or crying in these times what are you doing?
The things that helped me the most
my WS would/will hold me. he will grab me tight and tell me how sorry he is. That he couldn't believe what he has done to us, that he would take it all back right now if he could, that he never wanted to hurt me. My WS is not one to speak his emotions. So usually he would just show his actions by holding me or doing little things for me like bringing me home my favorite chocolate or flowers. It was his words and hearing the pain in his voice that made me feel like I wasn't so alone.
There were also times no matter what he said I was hysterical, but he would just hold me or sit next to me anyways.
He will text me randomly throughout the day while he is at work, "just thinking of you" " I love you" one way messages. This has saved me so many times from going back into a horrible place. Durring the day I'm a SAHM so there is LOTS of time to think, too much time.
I'm sorry I'm not much help. But when you and your BW wife are together and she is feeling ok, ask her, don't be afraid to ask her for what you can do when she gets to those places. Sometimes nothing makes it better and you really do have to just go with it. But if there is something you can or have done in the past to help, the best thing is to talk about it. So you know.
Oh and from My personal experience, I now know not to talk about the A while I'm in this emotional state. It makes the pain and emotions 10x. When I use to get like this I would start asking questions and that is just a no no for me. But what helped me was knowing when my WS came home that we could sit down and I can ask him whatever I want.