Wow. I saw the title to this thread and immediately felt I had to read it. Its interesting to me that you connected to my thread and your feelings that you have to accept what he can give. As I was struggling with those thoughts, and the stress associated with staying in a relationship where I live in anxiety that I'm going to be hurt again; I had one night in particular where I thought he might try to initiate sex and I recoiled at the thought. I actually brought our 7 month old baby in to bed with me, held her, and prayed he would try to touch me. It was such a horrible feeling, and I really couldn't understand it at the time.
After working through my feelings more, I realized a couple of things. The first is that a few days prior to that, while I was still struggling with those feelings, I did have sex with him when I didn't really want to but felt like I "should" because it had been two weeks. This led to the second realization, this was an example of me meeting a need of his, while not expecting him to meet a need of mine.
This is a FOO issue for me. Take care of others, and don't expect them to meet yours because they can't. This is the attitude Ive had to take with many of my family members. WH has had to do the same.
Here's the thing, my marriage, like yours, is a relationship of choice. We are choosing to be with someone who is not currently meeting our needs (and maybe never did). It is also a choice to accept that this person cannot meet your needs.
It isn't surprising that you don't want to be intimate with someone you can't trust to meet your needs. The two go hand in hand, and both are needed for a healthy relationship.
I woke up today deciding that I choose differently. I'm holding him accountable from here on out. No more passes because he is more limited emotionally. If he truly cannot step up, I think I owe it to myself to leave. Otherwise, I am sentencing myself (and him) to a marriage filled with pain.