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Trigger at Work

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Alexisk17 posted 4/28/2014 08:40 AM

The woman that sits next to me at work is very kind to me, we have worked together for 3 years now. She has always done nice favours for me and even organized and hosted a baby shower when I was pregnant with my second.

The catch? She is a mistress and is involved with married men. She has been in a LTA with a married man for the past 5 years and continues to flirt, chat and text other married men. We hear about these escapades at work and it is so hard to listen to without triggering and feeling the anger rise up inside of me.

I am trying my best to practice equanimity and distance myself but even if she doesn't have those conversations with me I overhear her talking to other co-workers. I am particularly sensitive about her speaking ill of the BS's, these poor women who are married to these dirt bags. It automatically brings me into imaginary conversations that the OW was having about me...

Has anyone been in a situation similar to this? I was thinking about talking to her about it but didn't want to come across as rude or unkind because a) we still have to work beside each other and b) she has always been so nice in many other ways.

I don't want to move desks or take it to HR, was hoping to deal with it 1 on 1.

jo2love posted 4/28/2014 09:09 AM

I have a close relative that is a FWS/FOW. I told her that I was cheated on (no details). She saw the pain and tears in my eyes. After that she stopped bringing up what she was doing. Thankfully, she ended the A and has since being working on herself.

The tough part of this is that we can't predict how someone will react or respond. I'm not sure exactly how much you are comfortable sharing. You could tell her that you are uncomfortable hearing about her relationships as you have been hurt by infidelity. Between the favours and the baby shower, it sounds like she cares about you. I'd like to think that she will respect you and not discuss the A anymore.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 9:15 AM, April 28th (Monday)]

Alexisk17 posted 4/28/2014 12:46 PM

We do share quite a bit about our personal lives so she knows the struggles WH and I have had. I was thinking about it this morning and have a feeling that even if she stopped talking to me about these relationships that it is her attitude that bothers me more than the fact that she shares this information with me.

To see someone so flippant about the damage she is causing and lack of boundaries (in thinking that she can just be friends with these married men and then... ooops, an affair started) is hurtful because I have suffered the consequences of such careless actions.

I will definitely have a gentle conversation with her over coffee and hope that she can see where I'm coming from.

jo2love, I'm glad you were able to be up front with your relative and that she eventually "saw the light". I doubt my co-worker is that self aware.

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