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AlwaysBeenStrong posted 4/28/2014 09:47 AM

I have been sick, allergies killed me, upper respiratory infection, body aches...the whole 9. But I cannot be sidelined by that, life goes on, work and school must still be in your schedule...fine ok.

Well, my son has returned to the home, before it was just my 18 DD and I, now with my 20 DS. I had only a few hundred $'s saved for when I will have to eventually move out, well, there was no food in the home. So I cashed in my life savings and stocked up on food for us.

It had been nice...haven't heard nor seen of the STBEH. Then stupid me, gets on fb and now I see why, the softball professional had a tournament this weekend (2 losses and he was done...love karma), and followed up by a bowling fundraiser for his new softball team. How he is affording this, I don't know...he lost his job 2 weeks ago (22 years on the job, and he can't see he's wasting his lifes work away for "fun") He sleeps "whereever I put my head down for the night" and told the Judge he's living "with a generous friend."

And now here I am boo whooing, over the fact that I am scrounging pennies to feed my children and I, while he's out having the time of his life, The family and I were the fault...he held him back. Jealous maybe?...he never took me anywhere, never did anything with me, so yes I may be jealous. But dammit, I have had nothing but sadness since this started when I was sick in bed recovering from surgeries years ago. All because some young skank made the moves on him and he fell hook line and sinker!

How do you become happy and just not let this affect you anymore??? I thought with the 3 years of false reconciling and now the divorce under way, I would be far from the mess I am today. I just want to run far away, put this so far behind me!

Williesmom posted 4/28/2014 09:56 AM

((ABS))
It gets better - hang in there. He's a complete jagoff.

Nature_Girl posted 4/28/2014 10:35 AM

I'm sorry, Hon. I can tell this is really dragging you down. It will get better one day. (((HUGS)))

hummingbird8 posted 4/28/2014 11:00 AM

Your children are adults and if they are living with you they should be helping out. I have two teenage boys both in HS and one has two jobs and the other has one. If there was no food in the house they would most definitely be helping out.

norabird posted 4/28/2014 11:23 AM

Block him on facebook and it will help--you won't have him pop up and get you off track as easily that way.

(((AlwaysBeenStrong)))

Also, look into your local food pantry! And forgive yourself for the time spent in false R. At least now you really know he is not worth your time. Sometimes it takes a loss of extra time to really understand that.

sparkysable posted 4/28/2014 12:46 PM

I know exactly how you feel. I was driving an old car, shopping at garage sales and thrift shops, clipping coupons, etc. and he was spending OUR $ on the OW.

Then, after D-day, I'm down at social services trying to get WIC and food stamps so I can get formula to feed my baby, and he's off going on vacation with the OW, meanwhile he is claiming to be broke.

I struggled for years and years. I'm finally starting to get out of the hole. I don't waste my money on stupid shit, unlike some WS's.

I still have a hard time with it, with the unfairness of it. They say with time it gets better, but I don't think it ever goes away completely.

7yrsflushed posted 4/28/2014 13:09 PM

Sorry you are having a tough time ABS. It gets better. I agree with hummingbird. Have a candid discussion with your 18 and 20 year old. They need to understand the status of things in the household and they need to contribute. This can be a very important and memorable learning moment for them. Don't miss this opportunity to prepare them for their own futures. By doing so you also can hopefully get some help from them to move forward on your own. I wish you the best.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 1:10 PM, April 28th (Monday)]

AlwaysBeenStrong posted 4/28/2014 17:46 PM

Thank you everyone. I hear in time, in time, in time...as norabird said I have already had a loss of extra time which has been 3 years of my life over this heap of shit and I just want to be as selfish as him....I want happiness now LOL.

As for my children, my son came home because he too was in a bad relationship and is in a pile of debt to climb out himself. He understands and will be helping out soon. So he says.

As for my daugther, she is just lazy. During all of this I have given her an ultimatum of getting a job and getting into community college, just like I am doing. She hasn't budged from her room. I have tried everything with her, taken away electronic devices, internet, etc. So she's just waiting until I have to move and Daddy moves back. My son is waiting for this too, neither of them plan to move with me. They don't like the rules and regulations I put down or bitch about. LOL

Just me and my killer chiwaaahwahhhha are ditching this place and heading to better things!

Thanks everyone for your support...been a shitty day, but I made it through again, even with my surprise anatomy final given today