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Newest Member: Thranduilion (61515)

User Topic: help - ideas to get through the tough times?
♀ 40954
Member # 40954
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have had a rough couple days with constant thoughts about the A. It is putting me into a spiral of sadness. I am trying everything I have to pull myself out. Meditation, trying to control my thoughts, trying not to dwell and obsess, focusing on the good parts of my life, but I can't seem to get out.

Does anyone have any suggestions....things that work for you?

Me: 43 (BS)
Him:40 (FWH)
Married:13 years
4 kids
DDay 7/27/13
LTA: 3 years
Divorce 5/2016

Posts: 104 | Registered: Oct 2013
♀ 43131
Member # 43131
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Working out. Seeing friends. Buying myself something. Are you near a large body of water? I think seeing the ocean can soothe the soul.

"We must see all scars as beauty. Okay? This will be our secret. Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means 'I survived'." -Chris Cleave

Posts: 372 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Philadelphia
Member # 41012
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been decluttering the house and organizing. I don't know why, but it is helping.

Me - BW 35
Him - fWH 37
D-Day: 7/13
2 yr EA; 8 mo PA.

Posts: 86 | Registered: Oct 2013
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 5:41 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I found that making order out of chaos, even the chaos of housekeeping, was soothing.Working with my hands, keeping my body moving.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 10066 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
♀ 43041
Member # 43041
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know exactly how you feel! I'm a reader and dreamer by nature (dreamer part has not helped me out during the aftermath of the affair, I can tell you!) and I resisted reading for some time thinking that I wouldn't be able to concentrate, and sometime I do wander off the book and into my own thoughts, but overall, getting myself into a book has helped me a lot lately. I've started reading the Divergent series and just being able to escape reality for a while and live in someone else's shoes has helped me to have some mental rest. I've found it has also helped me to keep the barrier up when I'm not reading, as soon as my mind starts going to that place I try and switch to what the characters in my book are up to at the moment! Hope you find something! :-)

Me: BS 34 WH: 32 (theseseatsRtaken)
DS1: 3 DS2: 1 DS3: 2 months
T 13 years, M 5
DD1: 8/1/2014 DD2: 10/1/2014
"Live so that when your children think of fairness and integrity, they think of you!" H. Jackson Brown

Posts: 797 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Australia
♀ 43267
Member # 43267
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There's only two things that work for me:
1. Spending a day with WS reconnecting
2. I asked him to write me a letter that I could look at every time I started to obsess. Sometimes reading that letter helps.

Posts: 7 | Registered: Apr 2014
♀ 30314
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Read my post in books about The Artists Way. Three pages of morning papers, everyday

Posts: 7613 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
♀ 41535
Member # 41535
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Derailed1, the letter idea is brilliant! I'm going to ask WS for the same. Thank you!!!!

XWS: 40
BS: 40
DS: 7
9 year relationship
DDay #1: September 6, 2013 EA for 5 weeks August 2013 with TT
DDay #2: January 2, 2014 EA for 6 weeks summer 2011 with TT
"I am still learning." -Michelangelo

Posts: 967 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 8

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