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Newest Member: lelule (46059)

User Topic: A milestone day?
HurtinginSoCal
♀ 41492
Member # 41492
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today is my second daughter's 15th birthday. While I so want to celebrate her, it's a tough day. Our first daughter's 16th birthday was the day after D-Day. It was not at all a celebration and sadly the events taking place completely overshadowed a milestone for her. Honestly, we still have yet to make it up to her. So now is our next daughter's birthday and it's hard to celebrate it with knowing it's only hurting our first daughter. We're doing something for daughter and friends this weekend but she doesn't even want to go out to dinner tonight… Maybe she feels it, too?

That's one part of today. The next part stems from knowing that right now pretty much marks the length of time from D-Day that fBH's EA went on, not counting, of course, the one and a half to two years that he was paving the road for it. Yep, a hard day....

We're doing really well, but I could sure use some advice, tips, or anything to help get past this bump in the road. I didn't realize it would hit me like this.

Clinging to Romans 8:28, Jeremiah 29:11, and Isaiah 41:10!


Me- BW 43
Him- WH 43
Married 18 years, 3 kids
DDay - 11/13/13, eve of our oldest daughter's 16th bday

Posts: 49 | Registered: Nov 2013
sunvalley
♀ 42952
Member # 42952
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry, that's a lot to take at once and of course when it comes to our kids we want to give them nothing but the best of ourselves and their special days. I wish I had advice for you, but just like any anniversaries or painful days, this will pass. Make the best of the day for your children and maybe talk to the one who is hurting and see what she's feeling? I had to do that with our son yesterday - he heard me freak out over something an OW said about me and I explained to him that even adults have problems with people sometimes. He seemed much calmer knowing it wasn't directed at WS and understanding that mom had a situation with a person who was not being nice to her...he didn't even really care to ask who that person was and I just explained it was someone I didn't know personally.

I totally relate to what you're saying about time frames. I am 9m past DD and the two long term As both lasted 9m. It is just a reminder of how far we've come, how many setbacks and rollercoaster rides we have had along the way and yet we're JUST reaching the length of time the As were each occurring for. It's hard to believe that these As were going on for such a long length of time, when you actually feel that length of time pass...it just reminds you this wasn't a 'quick' thing, it gives you an idea of just how long this actually went on for and it's hard. When I feel that I just try to realize that I'm feeling betrayed, because I was betrayed for a long time. I will talk to WH about it and tell him how I feel like he had such a long time to 'change his path or stop himself'. I find if he's reassuring and supportive, that helps. But sometimes it's just about taking a ME break - shopping, a walk, sitting in the sun, something to remind me that I don't have to place all my time and energy on how I've been wronged...yes, I've been wronged and the time frame is a sore reminder of that, so I allow myself to feel that pain, but I'm also in a situation where he wants to make up for it and I allow myself to feel that support too. It's hard, and the tough days are the worst because they bring you right back to a feeling of 'I can't do this' but it does pass and it will go back to happier feelings again, I have to remind myself of that a LOT when I get down so I don't let it overwhelm me and make me act out. I hope today goes ok for you.


Dday July 2013
Me: BW mid 30s
Him: WH mid 30s
4PAs, multiple online As

Posts: 767 | Registered: Mar 2014
RomanticInnocenc
♀ 43041
Member # 43041
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with Sunvalley, talk to your children, don't try to cover it up or not confront it with them. I can't imagine how hard that would be but I think they will appreciate that you are aware of how hard this is for them as well as you. Sometimes we put on such a brave face just getting through the day that maybe we forget that people are watching and learning from us.

My dday was 8 days after the birth of our first son and I have no idea how I am going to get through his first birthday, so I understand how hard this must be for you! Hope you get through it ok!


Me: BS 31
WH: 29 (theseseatsRtaken)
DS: getting close to 1
Together 10 years, married 2.
DD1: 8th of Jan 2014
DD2: 10th of Jan 2014
NC: 8th of Jan
In hopeful R!

Posts: 430 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 3

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