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Newest Member: BSRed (49887)

User Topic: what do you do
♀ 33045
Member # 33045
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

if part of your recovery is good and the other part is a disappointment.
My WS does most things right now and I do think his cheating days are behind him, but he has broken promises to me since D-day. Not real biggies but some for my well being and rebuilding trust issues…….
how do you weigh out what is important the foundation stuff or the every day stuff………
I guess the issue is the items were talked about and then not fulfilled as promised. When things are good it is hard to make the promises an issue…………..
but somehow it is not sitting right with me
The time has passed with the items so I either except the lack of honor of our agreement and he gets away with not keeping his word…………..
I guess I am just looking for opinions and ideas we have discussed this issue as well…….
maybe I am just venting about something so stupid and that was so easy to do …………
I guess when your a BS you always look for every bit of honor

Posts: 73 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IMO, lying about the "small" stuff leads to lying about bigger and bigger stuff. And an agreement is an agreement. If one decides that one doesn't want to fulfill an agreement, the honorable and trust-building decision is to as for a re-negotiation of the agreement, in business OR in personal lives. Not to just ignore it and hope it goes away.

Having broke his word, his vows to me majorly, I would count every lie that my FWH might possible tell me, as a nail in our marital coffin.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 6308 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
♀ 43242
Member # 43242
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Has he lied outright about these things, or simply made promises and then not followed thru? Would a nudge help? "XY annd Z are pretty important for my well being and building trust. You said you would do those things, but I have not seen it happen. Can we talk about that?"

Even if time has passed, you do NOT have to accept a borken promise. And if he want to keep you, he should have to honor all of your agreements. Otherwise, it seems like a slippery slope back to his cheating on you, doesn't it?

Me & WH: pushing 50, married 20+ years, 4 kids
DDay: 3/5/14, 7 yr LTA plus multiple ONS
Status: Tentative R, carefully watching what happens next.

Posts: 593 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Virginia
♂ 42012
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bot stupid at all. I agree with Skan and krsplat. Why even bother lying about the little stuff. This is what leads to the bigger things. This sin't about compromise, he should honor all agreements.

"I remind myself of this. I am a survivor. I have taken all this world has dished out and am still here. So there is no reason to be afraid. Whatever happens, I will survive. So now onto living. It is time for me to thrive." - DrJekyll

Posts: 3482 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
Topic Posts: 4

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