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How to tell the kids about separation/divorce

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Acer0112 posted 4/28/2014 14:25 PM

We are having a family counseling session this week because the kids were confused after WH's vague description of our trial separation moving to formal separation and probably D. I had WH do last talk since I thought we agreed to say, divorce possible, and that daddy was dating.

Well, those two things were not mentioned. WH still claims he's not dating, and doesn't want to mention affair, and I guess is having a hard time admitting D is probably where we are headed. I do not want to be the messenger anymore since this is not my choice.

Our family counselor suggested to say dating, be as up front with details as age appropriate because if they hear wind of the A they will feel betrayed and more angry than dealing with the honesty and anger now. Kids are 11, 13.

So how do parents tell the kids more details? I also would like to say its daddy's choice to not continue the marriage, I just want them to know the truth, I am here to consider R, I'm not giving up, but when one person isn't willing to try, or claims he has tried for 20 years , it's not possible. I know we should be a united front, but it's not what I want or feel.

EvenKeel posted 4/28/2014 14:57 PM

and I guess is having a hard time admitting D is probably where we are headed.

Probably more like he doesn't want to look bad and wimped out.


I do not want to be the messenger anymore since this is not my choice.

I understand, but your WH did not step up to what you thought you agreed too. I would not count on him to handle this.

Our family counselor suggested to say dating

I can understand their confusion...dating while married is confusing no matter what age. That is a interesting suggesion for the counselor.

I would try to answer their questions as truthful as possible without throwing anyone under the bus. You are dealing with older children who have probably figured out more than you are aware.

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 2:59 PM, April 28th (Monday)]

one2ndchance posted 4/28/2014 20:45 PM

I also would like to say its daddy's choice to not continue the marriage, I just want them to know the truth, I am here to consider R, I'm not giving up, but when one person isn't willing to try, or claims he has tried for 20 years , it's not possible. I know we should be a united front, but it's not what I want or feel.

A united front on discipline and direction only regarding the children. You obviously are not a united front on moral values. He thinks it's ok to date while legally married and you don't.

Your children are old enough to understand what is going on and there is NO WAY to not put the onus on him.

The truth is always the best. I told my daughter that her father wanted to date other women while he was married to me, and I would not tolerate it so I am filing for divorce.

No other details are necessary. They should be reassured that they are loved and every effort will be made to disrupt their lives as little as possible.

Please understand that your actions are showing your daughter how to respond if her husband ever cheats on her.

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