Do u ever feel u are actually preventing WS from doing what they truly want to do?
No, it is the WS's responsibility to honestly communicate their wants and needs, including the want to leave the marriage.
Feeling like why do I have to be the person to determine certain things should be a certain way?
You don't, and you ultimately only have control over yourself and your choices.
then why am I even entertaining the idea of R?
Can you answer this question? If he isn't doing what you need, is running from responsibility and showing you through his actions what he wants, why do you want to stay?
And why do I care how my children will be impacted if I divorce?
Because you love your kids and understand and accept the choices we make as parents will impact their future. The choice to stay with him while he acts like this will impact them as well, you are not doing them a favor by staying. Showing them self-respect will go much further than being treated poorly by a spouse.
I look at my future and look forward to retirement one day, traveling, spending time w grand kids an watching them grow. Not too sure it's him I see along side of me.
It's ok if you don't see him there. What I would like you to see if a life that can be happy and healthy without him if he doesn't straighten up and take your life and marriage serious.
You deserve to be loved, cherished and treated with respect.
Sometimes we have to be the ones to do that for ourselves. You are worth it and you deserve better.
Five months out isn't a long time, but it's long enough that he needs to get it. He needs to know what he will lose if he continues this path.
Let him know he will lose you and if he continues to choose this path then make yourself strong enough to go on your own.
You will be ok, please don't accept anything but truth from him.