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soloney posted 4/28/2014 17:14 PM

Post DDay my WH and I experience HB. We were having a lot of sex and it was really good. That last for a while then I realized we were in false R. He was still hiding things from me, still telling lies.

Now we finally are working on true R. But the sex is bad. We do it rarely and when we do it's awkward. When we do sometimes I start thinking about the A and I get upset and start crying. The whole thing is just bad. HB was good but we are completely the opposite of that now.

Anyone experience a satisfying sex life post HB?

sunvalley posted 4/28/2014 17:36 PM

I'm getting there, and yes it is getting better but slowly. I was definitely in your shoes for a while, then once my focus went from being mad at the OW to being mad at WS I lost interest or maybe not so much lost interest as just felt really vulnerable and emotional during sex once the HB ended and I was finally dealing with addressing the emotions towards my WS and how he betrayed me...who wants to feel affectionate when going through that? I find now there are times I have to push myself a little more to block out the As, to focus on being in the moment and enjoying MY life, and it has gotten easier over time for me. Changing things up a little to not trigger has helped too, communicating my needs and at times I'm really pushing myself to be affectionate when I am feeling like pulling away...just something simple like cuddling for a while can greatly change how you're feeling emotionally before engaging in anything further. Another thing that has helped was me taking more control, not feeling it was always him being the instigator. WS has been patient with me and supportive, which helps, but I am definitely not where I was during the HB. It's normal I believe, and I do believe in the long run we'll be in a better place than if the HB continued. In that time it was more a denial and need to prove myself almost, plus just all those raw emotions coming out, now that those things have faded it's a little harder because I realize he was with these other people and that's very hard to block out. But yes, while our sex life has diminished it is improving and still enjoyable.