SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I am consulting with a divorce attorney tomorrow morning. My WH does not know I'm doing this.

I'm not sure I am going to file - but I am seeking information on spousal support, division of property, etc.

One problem is that my WH is the OW's supervisor. I am afraid he could be sued for harassment.

Dday 1 was in October and since we were going to IC/MC, I 'assumed' it was over. Found out 4/16 that it didn't end until mid-March. Sad, mad and disgusted!

So, another issue - he really seems like he 'gets it' now. He is very sad & upset. But he just went for a biopsy this week and, although we won't know results until 3/8, I feel I need/should be supportive however it turns out.

But - my question - what info do I take to the lawyer's office tomorrow? Salaries, bills, anything else?

Have all the financial info that you can get your hands on. This will include pay stubs, savings, investments, retirement accts, any money that you owe to credit cards, student loans, mortgage, car loans, etc., and the value of any assets such as cars and your home. If you have kids, they will ask about ages and what you think custody arrangements might be. I found it usefor to take my 1040 tax form. It had alot of useful info on it.

I'm on the other side of the desk. The more accurate financial information you can provide, the better and cheaper representation you'll get. Also tell the lawyer about possible hidden assets. You should explain WH is /was in an affair and who the OW is vis a vis employment. IF WH is anxious to divorce due to pressure from OW, you are in a much better negotiation position.

Ask the lawyer for a timeline, too. You should know about how long a simple, uncontested divorce takes and how long War of the Roses II takes.

Understand, lawyer isn't psychic, cannot know how contested this will be, and therefore cannot tell you any exact fees.

With the medical news, you should look into insurance coverage for spouses versus COBRA for former spouses and what costs are. Make sure you tell lawyer about this concern.

If the medical news is bad news, don't divorce. Happened to me once--my client died before final divorce judgment and W got everything. Adult kids weren't happy, but W ended up far better off. Yeah, I know that sounds crass, but it is true.