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Fear of being unable to live with betrayal
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n0tm3 posted 4/28/2014 21:17 PM
I am afraid that I may never get past what he did. That I will not be able to live with the knowledge and be happily married. Not to mention the lovely gift of HPV from the OW. What if that did turn into something that I really have to worry about. I keep thinking and I know that I deserve better than this. Can I love him enough to stay with him and be happily married til death us do part or he has another affair.(no where near trust yet)
918Mama posted 4/28/2014 21:43 PM
This is exactly where I live too.
It's so, so hard. In fact, I've been completely spun out about this lately. I think the combination of R + A season + talk of putting our lives back together has me completely off the rails.
It helps to just take each moment as it comes and not think so far in the future. I've thought the last couple days that I'm never going to really get over it and I'm going to end up divorcing him at some point, so it might as well be now. Here is what my therapist reminds me:
1. I always have choice. Just because I stay today doesn't mean I can't leave tomorrow.
2. It's not always going to feel like this. Look at how painful it was in the beginning and compare that to today. Much different.
3. We have time. Time will help move through this.
And my personal favorite when I get completely spun out on what ifs and planning my future, she says
"918Mama...Jesus could come back tomorrow and end all of this. Let's not worry about years down the road, ok?"
Obviously this is faith specific but insert whatever end times/end of days/life and death scenario applies to you.
Hang in there friend...you aren't alone.
tired girl posted 4/28/2014 22:10 PM
I felt this way for the past two years. It has changed in the past month and I know that something has shifted. It wasn't easy for me to sit in that place of limbo not knowing if I would move past it. I just knew I really wanted too. Time really does help. Continuing to work on me I believe helped as well.
Hugs, this is not easy, but it does get better