But I also know that I'm a decent person. That I was loyal, faithful and true. And that all of that matters more than the fact that I would cry when someone was mean to me, snap at xWH when he was a selfish dick to me, or whatever supposed horrific transgression I committed.
Be kind to yourself LC. You were good enough then, and now having lost what? 180#'s of deadweight, you're even better
You are not alone.
If you aren't happy with your spouse, then for goodness sake either open your mouth and express what you are unhappy about or throw in the towel and file for divorce.
The bottom line is you don't start another relationship until you've ended the one you are in.