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Is it Me?

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fireproof posted 4/29/2014 10:44 AM

I am not sure if it stress but recently with a few friends I am frustrated so I know it must be me.

They are upset people don't call them yet they cancel on people at the last minute. Then they are upset their old friends aren't their friends but don't want to be bothered by anyone's life but their own.

This normally doesn't bother me but recently I don't know if I should gently play devil's advocate and let them know what might be the issue or maybe they find similar people and it works for them.

I guess I feel for them so I remain their friend but with time being short these days because of a hectic schedule is it ok to take a step back or if I was a better friend to mention what I see and know to be true?

What bothers me more is I think something more is going on and it might be my time is super limited I want to spend time with those who are close to me.

norabird posted 4/29/2014 11:01 AM

Please step back! Use your time on people who will value it and you, not on people who add stress. As you add new strength and a sense of your own boundaries, some friends whose behavior you used to accept will suddenly seem less appealing; I think it just means you're pruning out unhealthy influences.

getnbtr1 posted 4/29/2014 11:09 AM

dedicate your time to those people who make time for you and whom you feel valued by. If you really care about these friends and want to have a stronger friendship, you can always gently point out their behaviors to them. If they can't hear or understand where you're coming from, that says a lot.

Charity411 posted 4/29/2014 11:28 AM

I agree you should step back. I went through this with a friend. We'd make plans to get together and she either would cancel at the last minute or be more than 2 hours late. And when she was there she was on her cell phone more than she talked to me. I did tell her how it made me feel in an effort to solve the problem, but it was to no avail. I realized I was not making plans with other friends to spend time with her and I was ending up sitting home by myself when she wouldn't show up. I had plenty of friends that had time for me.

InnerLight posted 5/1/2014 10:54 AM

If you were to let them know why you are considering stepping back, what would you say that felt honest to you yet as kind and compassionate as possible? This approach can be a challenge, but it is good practice even if this friend doesn't take it well.

Amazonia posted 5/1/2014 12:58 PM

I feel like you've posted similar frustrations about people in the past... Same friends?

fireproof posted 5/1/2014 20:42 PM

I spent sometime today reflecting and I guess at the root of it is that I have dear friends from over 20 years both girls and guys.

Meeting people as adults or post divorce is different and a lot of people don't have close relationships with people. I guess I am use to a relationship that doesn't require work.

It doesn't bother me but I want to be friends with people that have genuine consideration for others.

They are nice people but why spend time with people if you can't count on them to care about you. They do care but I think honestly they don't know how.

I think I just need to cut back on life in general for a bit. I guess I care about people and hope these people find someone who cares but how could someone care about them when they don't know how?

It isn't my responsibility and I could be wrong but it is my time I am running around to be there for them.

I just need to redefine my boundaries and I will be ok. I am so grateful for my old friends- married or single they are there at the drop of a hat. That also includes SI

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