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FirstLoveGone posted 4/29/2014 11:03 AM

Need to get this out:

XH and I had a post-D mediation session regarding some minor parenting time/custody issues with DD8. We already had one prior mediation session a few weeks ago that went well.

XH had proposed some changes that would impact my time with DD. I was already on edge due to stress at work and overall malaise about how my life has turned out.

So I ended up losing it during the session. I mean, full-on tears with snorting ( ). They were tears of frustration. Every time I think things are settled between XH and I, he throws a wrench into the situation. Then I have to deal with the fallout and anxiousness that it causes DD8.

I think both XH and the mediator were taken aback.
After I composed myself, we were able to resolve issues so that we don't have to go back for another session.

I just had so much pent up anger and hurt and frustration that has never come out in front of XH since probably the D (which was 4 years ago).

XH and I ended up speaking after the session. I stupidly revealed some emotion yet again. In the midst of my weakness I also revealed some minor strategic information that would affect child support. I'm so fucking disappointed in myself.

What a craptastic morning.

IWantDoOver posted 4/29/2014 11:20 AM

((((hugs))))

You know what? It's fixin' to storm hard. Thunder. Lightning. I have no idea what the flood of rain (tears) will wash away, but when it's over ...

I stand up straight, clean up debris, and keep moving forward.

Sorry about the craptastic morning. All you can do is keep moving forward.

getnbtr1 posted 4/29/2014 13:54 PM

That must have been so hard for you. I'm so so sorry you went through that. Its hard to keep your guard up constantly. Go easy on yourself please.

Jrazz posted 4/29/2014 14:01 PM

(((FirstLoveGone)))

The offering of strategic info is symptomatic of a loving, communicative person. Try not to beat yourself up - it's not an easy process to go through.

Sending you big hugs.

FirstLoveGone posted 4/29/2014 19:44 PM

Thanks everyone. I appreciate the kind words.

I was mentally and emotionally exhausted by this morning's events, which of course, manifested itself physically. I feel like I walked a thousand miles. I am so drained of energy.

I need a good night's sleep.