I'm sorry that he didn't hold up his end, but that is absolutely NOT a reflection on you, honey. That's all on him.
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
It's hard to see the road ahead if you're always looking in the rear view mirror.
Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
I can't remember who, but someone told me that I was married to a liar and a cheater, so whenever there is a question of "Did she do this, too?", the answer was, "Yeah, probably."
It sucks, but is also a little freeing. It's easier to just think of her as someone who was always an evil arsehole, because she probably was. It sounds like your husband belongs in that same category too. I hope it helps you as much as it did me.
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous!
For me, I felt like my WH did tell me about all incidents since we've been married. There was only this one OP - EA/PA - he calls "ejector affair" that happened this past winter. However, when he opened up his email accounts I found reference to a FL strip club back in 2012 that he went to with work colleagues. I knew he went to strip joints now and then, but this one he crossed the line. It had physical aspects to it, not just viewing.
So I can say multiple in 2012, one in 2013/2014.
Strangely today, after a heated argument, he did admit that he will never get over the A, and that he cheated on me multiple times if I consider the strip clubs in 2012. Yup, I do. So as we work on separation and D, at least he admitted some remorse.
There were at least 8 OW - he only confessed to the one (aside from the one when we had only been together 8w), kissing another. So 1.5 OW. That's not counting all of the EAs where he acted like the concerned friend/mentor but just couldn't get into their pants.
We were not fools fooled. We were supposed to trust our husbands. That was the deal. They are fools for betraying that trust.
I attributed my values and qualities to him so of course I wasn't suspicious. In the latter years my gut was screaming at me and I dismissed it - I silenced that bitch so much she almost became mute. Post DD she started screaming at me again and everything I had suppressed hit me in the face.
Be gentle with yourself. I've just seen the tip of the iceberg of the betrayal inflicted on me. I remind myself that I already know more than enough. If I do get further info at this point it will just be reinforcing what I already know - he is a lying, cheating scumbag and not worth of my spit.