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How many affairs did he have???

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ideservebetter45 posted 4/29/2014 11:49 AM

I got a phone call last night from a man who just found out Easter morning that his wife is having an affair and leaving him.My ex built this couples house.I really wasn't sure why he was calling me and telling me about his findings.I have never met the man.He proceeded to tell me that he was able to hack his wifes email.He found an email from his wife to her lover.It stated one of the worst things she had ever done was have an affair with the project manager who built her house.That was my husband! She also got pregnant to him but miscarried.I just cannot believe what an idiot I was.I was working and caring for our 2 year old.This man paid my husband very well...to do his wife.What scum I was married to... Can't wait til the OW gets hers!

nowiknow23 posted 4/29/2014 12:03 PM

You were NOT an idiot. You were a trusting wife. Which, by the way, is the way marriage is supposed to work. Spouses trust each other and have each other's best interests at heart. You did your part.

I'm sorry that he didn't hold up his end, but that is absolutely NOT a reflection on you, honey. That's all on him.

(((((iderservebetter)))))

one2ndchance posted 4/29/2014 12:51 PM

More proof that you are better off without him.

Gemini71 posted 4/29/2014 15:10 PM

With some WSs, there is no way to 'know everything.' Mine is like that. Eventually I decided that I 'knew enough,' and that was the end of it. However, it must really suck to have it pop up like that. I can't imagine how that would feel.

((ideservebetter45)

Pass posted 4/29/2014 15:22 PM

Every once in a while I have a similar question: How many guys did she screw? I mentioned on here one time that looking back at our trip to Disney a couple years ago, I was suspicious of an evening stroll that she wouldn't let any of us go on with her (she needed her "alone" time, as she often did).

I can't remember who, but someone told me that I was married to a liar and a cheater, so whenever there is a question of "Did she do this, too?", the answer was, "Yeah, probably."

It sucks, but is also a little freeing. It's easier to just think of her as someone who was always an evil arsehole, because she probably was. It sounds like your husband belongs in that same category too. I hope it helps you as much as it did me.

Acer0112 posted 4/29/2014 17:24 PM

It is a question we all must ask after finding out about one.

For me, I felt like my WH did tell me about all incidents since we've been married. There was only this one OP - EA/PA - he calls "ejector affair" that happened this past winter. However, when he opened up his email accounts I found reference to a FL strip club back in 2012 that he went to with work colleagues. I knew he went to strip joints now and then, but this one he crossed the line. It had physical aspects to it, not just viewing.

So I can say multiple in 2012, one in 2013/2014.

Strangely today, after a heated argument, he did admit that he will never get over the A, and that he cheated on me multiple times if I consider the strip clubs in 2012. Yup, I do. So as we work on separation and D, at least he admitted some remorse.

SBB posted 4/29/2014 19:11 PM

I went through a similar time - now whenever some random memory comes back just begging to be reexamined and I wonder "did he?" My answer is "Probably. What a fuckwit, seriously."

There were at least 8 OW - he only confessed to the one (aside from the one when we had only been together 8w), kissing another. So 1.5 OW. That's not counting all of the EAs where he acted like the concerned friend/mentor but just couldn't get into their pants.

We were not fools fooled. We were supposed to trust our husbands. That was the deal. They are fools for betraying that trust.

I attributed my values and qualities to him so of course I wasn't suspicious. In the latter years my gut was screaming at me and I dismissed it - I silenced that bitch so much she almost became mute. Post DD she started screaming at me again and everything I had suppressed hit me in the face.

Be gentle with yourself. I've just seen the tip of the iceberg of the betrayal inflicted on me. I remind myself that I already know more than enough. If I do get further info at this point it will just be reinforcing what I already know - he is a lying, cheating scumbag and not worth of my spit.

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