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Newest Member: Tigress5455 (45753)

User Topic: Been building all day...vent time.
MadeOfScars
♂ 42231
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I both apologize and warn in advance - there may be some profanity here. I'm not proud of everything I'm about to say, but I need to get it out.

So, D was final yesterday morning. All things considered, I felt pretty good all day. Had some drinks with some co-workers after work, had a small family gathering that evening, and I guess not so much "celebrated," rather took it for what it was and what it all means. I already had the OK to take today off which I needed - maybe had one too many last night, and I just needed a good night's rest. I "slept in" 'til 9am. What I woke up to though started as "meh," but now has me boiling over.

Some background first. I didn't tell my ex wife when everything was final. For one, she'll get something in the mail. 2, she's been, as the court called it, in "abandonment." She didn't fight me on anything which is good. At the same time, she didn't do one damn thing to contribute to this divorce. She couldn't even be bothered to acknowledge she received the petition, something that she even admitted she could do online in less than 5 minutes. Still didn't do it. That lack of regard contributed to me having to go to court a second time to finalize. Yes, the process server who served her should have filled out his damn form correctly. As I found out later, it would not have mattered had she done ANYTHING to acknowledge the petition. ANYTHING.

It's just mind-boggling, but at the same time shouldn't be surprising, how fucking selfish she is. She fucked someone else. She decided our marriage wasn't worth salvaging. She decided we needed to divorce. ALL of this after I did anything and everything for her. I sacrificed, I worked, I fought, I loved, I gave my all, and she shat all over everything. In the days following d-day, it was all still about her. What she needs. How she feels. How I need to do this or that if we're going to work this out. YOU FUCKING CHEATED, not me!! You have NO say in what I need to do for you anymore!!!

So, this morning...

I open my personal email, and guess who's there? Yep, it's her. She realized what yesterday was supposed to be. Her questions made it clear that she STILL expects me to hold her hand through everything. "What do I do about my insurance now?" Uh, Talk to your employer, but no, I'm not carrying you anymore. You knew this was coming. "Tell me what I need to do about x, y, and z." No. You fucking figure it out! Why in the flaming fuck do you think what you do or don't do, have or don't have, or ANY of that shit is my problem now?? "So, I guess everything went as planned yesterday?" Yeah, no fucking thanks to you.

I didn't vent anything at her. My answers were basically "I don't know, talk to your employer." As for the last question, my answer was one word - yes. Yes, everything went as it should have 11 fucking days ago had she done ANYTHING but sit around in her stupid fucking ego-driven dream world whoring herself out to anyone who strokes that ego further. A strong, independent woman, no, a man or woman with morales and a healthy sexual appetite is fine in my book - do what you want as long as you aren't deceiving your partners. A cheater who fucks other people while still married is a whore, regardless of gender. My ex is a whore, and an "entitled" one. She still seems to think I owe her. She seems to think she can just hit me up for advice, guidance, or for me to do what she needs done for her. Fuck her. I'm done.

No more parasites. No more entitled whores. I'm done. Good lord I needed to get that out. Phew...

/rant


“Nothing more completely baffles one who is full of trick and duplicity, than straightforward and simple integrity in another.” ― Charles Caleb Colton

Posts: 1354 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
slicerboy
♂ 22202
Member # 22202
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

well said


Me: Realizing my worth
Her: Escaping

Two children, innocent victims (14 & 15)

When I look back, we both hurt each other in so many ways and our lack of honesty and maturity coupled with poor communication led us to where we are today


Posts: 810 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Minneapolis
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She didn't show up for the M so I'm not surprised she didn't show up for the D. I'm glad you did it all without her - YOU went out and got your freedom.

I was free without D so I made him do all of the work and pay for it all. I still did the bits that I needed to do to expedite it and I did them quickly - I don't understand not participating. She wanted her freedom, she burned everything and everyone to get it - go on then, get gone!

You have NO say in what I need to do for you anymore!!!

Amen!!

No more parasites. No more entitled whores. I'm done.

And this is exactly what you've achieved.

OK now - gently, I would not have responded to her at all. You are no longer her secretary. Give yourself 24 hours to consider before responding in future. Post drafts here if in doubt.

Then only answer the things ONLY YOU can answer ie: none of it in this case.

This anger will stick around for a little while - IMHO it's an important tool in detachment. I kind of ran out of puff eventually and I've been free of that rage for some time now. It was an essential bridge between where I was and where I am now. I'm still hurting and I'm still grieving but it isn't 90% of who I am anymore, it's more like 5%.

You've so got this!!


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5660 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
PurpleRose
♀ 33129
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bravo!! Sometimes ya just have to let 'er rip!

My favorite part:

A cheater who fucks other people while still married is a whore, regardless of gender.

Now, do ya feel better!??


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3631 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
MadeOfScars
♂ 42231
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks slicerboy and SBB.

OK now - gently, I would not have responded to her at all. You are no longer her secretary. Give yourself 24 hours to consider before responding in future. Post drafts here if in doubt.

I see what you're saying. I re-read my responses a few times and I really don't think I let on too much. She may pick up some irritation in my tone, but oh well. I left the venting for here and can honestly say I didn't give her anything to indicate what is really in my mind. That said, I should have at least made her wait. I think my job has me so conditioned to responding immediately that I don't' know how NOT to do it even in my personal email. If there is a next time, she will wait if she gets anything at all.

I'm still hurting and I'm still grieving but it isn't 90% of who I am anymore, it's more like 5%.

Looking forward to that point so very much!

[This message edited by MadeOfScars at 8:12 PM, April 29th (Tuesday)]


“Nothing more completely baffles one who is full of trick and duplicity, than straightforward and simple integrity in another.” ― Charles Caleb Colton

Posts: 1354 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
MadeOfScars
♂ 42231
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now, do ya feel better!??

Yes PurpleRose, in a way, I really do . Taking the high road has it's perks, but damn sometimes you gotta go off. The important thing is she will NOT hear any of this from me. Crickets are far more powerful.


“Nothing more completely baffles one who is full of trick and duplicity, than straightforward and simple integrity in another.” ― Charles Caleb Colton

Posts: 1354 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
justinpaintoday
♂ 42858
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That was so beautiful. I got teary eyed


I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
MadeOfScars
♂ 42231
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

fistbump JIPT!


“Nothing more completely baffles one who is full of trick and duplicity, than straightforward and simple integrity in another.” ― Charles Caleb Colton

Posts: 1354 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
gypsybird87
♀ 39193
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

GO YOU!

That was awesome.

Poor lil muffin is going to have to figure things out on her own from now on. 100% not your problem, and not your responsibility.

If she makes a habit of this, maybe consider changing your email. Nothing like having a good (or coming soon- GREAT! ) day ruined by seeing that crap in your inbox. Even if you stand firm and don't respond, the damage is already done. At least that's how it is for me. As soon as we were completely "done", I put avoidance measures like this in place. He could reach me if he really needed to, but it would be difficult for him, and that's the way I want it.

Like a quote I saw recently: When your past calls, don't answer. It has nothing new to say.


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin


Posts: 1010 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
MadeOfScars
♂ 42231
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When your past calls, don't answer. It has nothing new to say.

Nice. Adding that to the repertoire.


Poor lil muffin is going to have to figure things out on her own from now on.

"Muffin" may be too nice there...but I'll leave it be..


“Nothing more completely baffles one who is full of trick and duplicity, than straightforward and simple integrity in another.” ― Charles Caleb Colton

Posts: 1354 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
kg201
♂ 40173
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Entitled? Noooo? Really?


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 776 | Registered: Aug 2013
MadeOfScars
♂ 42231
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, did I mention she's "entitled?"


“Nothing more completely baffles one who is full of trick and duplicity, than straightforward and simple integrity in another.” ― Charles Caleb Colton

Posts: 1354 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
TrustedHer
♂ 23328
Member # 23328
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think your answers, as you described them, were just fine. Matter-of-fact answers to questions that are really important to her, and you showed that you weren't going to hold her hand.

Now you can go completely dark. She knows it went the way it was supposed to, and you've directed her to get her own answers, and even told her where to look.

She's on her own.


Take care of yourself. There's a great future out there. It won't come to you; you have to go to it.

Posts: 5201 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
MadeOfScars
♂ 42231
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks TH. Oh yes, I will go dark now for sure. It always bothered me how "needy" she was after she did what she did before we were officially divorced. Now, well, like you said, she is on her own. I suppose I didn't want to poke the bear before (even if she was letting others "poke" her) and allow the D process to become contentious. Now I have no such concerns.


“Nothing more completely baffles one who is full of trick and duplicity, than straightforward and simple integrity in another.” ― Charles Caleb Colton

Posts: 1354 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
inconnu
♀ 24518
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remember the point when I could be gleeful as I chanted "he's not my problem anymore." You'll get there, and you'll be amazed at how good it feels.

Okay, and I have to admit, it still amuses me to be able to say that, knowing exactly who's problem ex is these days.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12172 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
risingfromashes
♀ 3903
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Damn. That was a great response.


There is a wonderful life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1713 | Registered: Mar 2004
Topic Posts: 16

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