SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

teeghan posted 4/29/2014 22:46 PM

We go to mediation next week. He has supervised visits with the kids and breaks our TPO any way he can. He is in arrears in payments and just bounced a check. My bank app notified me at 9pm tonight it was returned.

Last two visits my son has came back with MAJOR injuries that I was not told had happened when the the ex inlaw dropped them off. My son had to tell me and I had to take him to the ER both times. Sent the reports to my lawyer.

WE just filed contempt for the child support, tpo violations, stalking etc on Monday. Now the check which is over %500 and in my state a FELONY bounced. I was reading and it says in the rules for our county that I can go after him CRIMINIALLY and I can sue civil too and get punative damages twice the amount of the check up to $500. Check was for $575

But my question - wonder how this will look in mediation? I have never been to mediation.... but I know he has a LOT stacked against him including cruelty to kid charges, battery charges on me etc.... NOW bouncing child support checks too and injuries to my son with no concern to seek any medical attention when in his visits with his parents as the supervisors which is SO not working.

Can the mediator pull any visits or make him have supervised visits through the court system? I know that should be a question for my attorney but they are in trial this week and hard to catch them and I cant sleep because I am so mad....so i thought I would ask here......

He is a TRUE monster and has NPD and is a socialpath as well..... I really will be glad when this is all over..... SIGH......

betrayedfriend posted 4/29/2014 23:16 PM

I'd go after him legally. Get the judgement and get his cs garnished through the state. That money is your children's, so no question in my mind about it. As far as the injuries, document and request an emergency hearing with no visitation until certain stipulations are met...eg parenting classes, and first aid training... Maybe you can request someone other than his parents supervises.

teeghan posted 4/29/2014 23:22 PM

I WISH I could do garnishments but he owns his own business and hides money very well. Thus why they set my child support @ $1150 per month because he can not and will not prove his income EVEN to his own attorney who hates him. His own attorney admitted to my attorney that he hates his client and he is a snake in the grass. And yes he is more than a snake in the grass.

I am so going after him criminally but it says I can ALSO do civil at the same time - both letters can be sent in SAME envenlope - so I will be seeking BOTH just to show little mister smart pants that I am tired of being pushed over.

I am requesting no visitation right now beccause he still mentally abuses the kids and has started to physically do the same to my son the last two weekend over nights..... :(

I just was wondering how mediation really works since I have never been and quite nervsious......

courageous posted 4/30/2014 06:20 AM

Mediators just help the two parties come to agreement. They do not determine visitation or anything else.

It will not matter what evidence you bring in the mediator doesn't determine any outcomes.

confused615 posted 4/30/2014 07:01 AM

He abused your son the last two times he had him..to the point of major injury and needing to be taken to the ER?

Im so sorry.

jjct posted 4/30/2014 07:27 AM

I arrived at my mediation an hour early.
Parked and took a xanax.
Walked in to; "You're a little early aren't you?"
Me; "I want a separate room."
Him; "Why?"
Me (screaming in my head - "Because I WANT ONE DOUCHEBAG!); "I don't want to face my abuser."
He - something flickered in his eyes - said; "Come this way."

Later, the mediator (a different guy) kvetched about the separate rooms, saying it would take longer, it's more difficult this way, etc.
ME - I'm sorry, I don't intend to be difficult, and REPEATED - I don't want to face my abuser.

PERIOD.

I WON my little battle, and I was NOT going to give up that hill.
My L arrived a little later - yes, have your L present! He didn't like it either, but whatev buddy here's some $$ - yaknow?

I did not see her. At all. Worked out just fine n dandy.

You CAN HAVE your toughest, strongest mofo ally present too - just in case the abusive fuck gets out of hand.
Gawd what a monster (((teeghan)))
Praying, sending boatloads of strength!

Gemini71 posted 4/30/2014 08:25 AM

Uh, yeah. Press charges on all counts.

Not sure why you are doing mediation. It's usually for situations where the parties are willing to negotiate. You shouldn't have to give in on anything. He is truly a monster.

At least you'll see your lawyer at mediation and can ask about pulling his visitation etc. Good luck.

nowiknow23 posted 4/30/2014 08:43 AM

Some places require meditation, Gemini. My state requires at least one session.

Teeghan, the mediator doesn't have standing to act on the bounced check or the visitation. Their job is to get two parties to compromise and come to agreement on as many issues as possible outside of court. You can certainly go into meditation with the position that you want no overnight visitations and third party supervisors other than his parents. Monster won't agree of course, so that topic will end up being decided in trial.

((((Teeghan and kiddos)))))

SeanFLA posted 4/30/2014 08:43 AM

There's no law that says you have to do mediation. Courts like it because it helps cut down on the huge backlog of divorce cases they have to review. Some judges order it if both parties seem amicable and non-threatening to the other. If the judge sees potential problems (like you certainly have) he will preside over the case. Mainly due to any child abuse occurring. The courts will consider the children first EVERY TIME.

Sounds to me the only people mediation will do good for is the $ the mediators and your lawyer are making off you two. Bounced checks and child abuse?....really? Wages need to be garnished and child protection needs to be put in place. Skip mediation altogether and get in front of a judge already. I feel badly for your child as no kid should be put through that. Your child is looking to you to help him.

peacelovetea posted 4/30/2014 10:35 AM

I wouldn't do anything until you have consulted the attorney, but if s/he says you can, nail his balls to the wall.

Kajem posted 4/30/2014 11:06 AM

Teeghan, a side note, if his business deals with any govt contracts. He has the potential to loose those contracts. The federal govt is auditing the businesses they use for CS arrears. If they exist the Feds pass up that business for the next bid.

That little tidbit slipped to XH, (and I'm sure confirmed) and he never bounced a check to me again!

You can have CS go thru the state CSE, he has to pay them, they pay you. It doesn't matter if he is self employed or not. The difference is CSE has the ability to act on his arrears faster as they don't need you to file a complaint. If his arrears are a certain amount, CSE can garnish his tax refunds. All things to ask your attorney about.

Good luck,

[This message edited by Kajem at 11:09 AM, April 30th (Wednesday)]

sparkysable posted 4/30/2014 11:30 AM

I don't think it is going to be possible to mediate with this guy.

Chrysalis123 posted 4/30/2014 13:13 PM

There's no law that says you have to do mediation.

My state requires one session of mediation before divorce and 1 session for post decree issues.

I am dealing with NPDx. He doesn't mediate, he talks in circles, he is an ass and wastes time. Mediation with your lawyer is expensive because you are paying for the lawyer and the mediator. You can walk out at any time. Nothing can be used in court against you either.

Only do this with him if you are required to by law. It will be much more effective and better for your mental state and pocketbook to have the lawyers go back and forth IMHO.

Also, trust me on this, ask for CS to be garnished thru the state. Let the state tell you its impossible. Not having him jerk around the payments was a huge benefit. Plus the state is keeping the records, and finally they have nifty penalties for noncompliance that are very unpleasant.