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Newest Member: Foolfernobody (61825)

User Topic: Time line ingredients
♂ 43282
Member # 43282
Question  Posted: 12:28 PM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been reading now for 50 days, and haven't yet discovered a definitive ingredient list for a time table. I had an EA that led to a brief PA last year, and have been having a heck of a time remembering enough contiguous detail to make me think I'm effectively producing a time line. I realize I should just do the best I can, but I have a habit of letting roadblocks stop me in my tracks.
It would be helpful to my wife and I if I made a time table, and I would like some input from the "been there, done that" crowd on how to best do this. We are both readers of this site, and are grateful for the wonderful advice and experience that is shared on a daily basis. I shudder to think what we would have done without the guidance.

Posts: 62 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: PNW
♂ 15162
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the best thing to do is just start putting pen to paper. Look at the calender, old e-mails, phone records, whatever it takes to get started.

FBH - 46
FWW - 47 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 11 & 16

The people you do your life with shape the life you live

Posts: 47307 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
♂ 42899
Member # 42899
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My various infidelities went on for 13 or 14 years. I honestly can't remember some of the names, dates, or locations of those events prior to 7 years ago. I don't have any records to fall back on to help reconstruct things. Yet my BS desperately needed me to write something down. I didn't lie or make anything up. I just made my best guess. I tried to gauge things by events in our childrens' lives when I could. Whatever you do, do not lie or minimize. Sincere, real effort will be appreciated.

Me and BW both 50
Married 24 years, 4 kids
D-Day 3/5/14
14 years of infidelity including multiple ONS and a 6 yr LTA
I lied to everyone including myself.

Posts: 650 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: US
♂ 43282
Member # 43282
Default  Posted: 12:34 AM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the advice. My stupidest post-PA mistake was to delete Facebook messages. Almost all of our communications were messages, and now I don't have that reference. I'll start by writing what I know though, and then hopefully it triggers enough to fill in some blanks.

Posts: 62 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: PNW
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When you give your timeline to your BW, tell her that if any other memories come up, you will tell her immediately. Then do so.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 10176 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
♀ 42039
Member # 42039
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So nice to hear that you are at least trying to do this for your BS. Kudos for reaching out for help in doing this too.
I have asked for the timeline, but have not received it and I know he is not even thinking about it. I have asked for what was said and done, what he was thinking and feeling. What did he tell her about us, me and his dreams and desires.
I am even willing to help with the legwork to help his memory. I would pull out the calendar, visa bill (to see where we were each day), phone bill, work and personal emails anything that would help to reconstruct that time period.
Good luck...and just start writing!

Me: BS, 46
Him: SAWH, 48
Married 25 yrs
4 daughters, 9-21 yrs
D-days:Too many to list. 1st July 10, 2013

Your character is what you do when you think no one is watching.

Posts: 168 | Registered: Jan 2014
Topic Posts: 6

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