So he basically has been having an EA with this OW since 2011..after he led you to believe it was "just" flirting? (Married men with good boundaries don't flirt with women who aren't their wives..no such thing as "just" flirting.)
No, 2 OW. First in 2011, a woman who he started out friends with but crossed the line and then did nothing to discourage her. He says he realised it was wrong and told himself never to be alone with her but thought he could continue 'being friends' and never told her anything to stop her sending messages to him. I think it ended when we moved to another country.
Second OW was a former girlfriend of his who he started flirting with on FB. Said he never got the opportunity to have sex or other physical stuff although admitted it is highly likely he would have if he had the chance.
What is he doing to show you he wants to R? Is he transparent? Do you know where he is at all times? Did he NC OW? Are you sure? Does OW's husband know about the affair? Is WH answering all of your questions without blame and anger? Is he remorseful(not regretful)?
What is he DOING?
Well. Since D-day #1, he gave me his computer passwords and deleted OW#1 and #2 from FB (even though I didn't know about OW#1 yet). He also deleted a few other girls who he felt he might be at risk of flirting with. He is open about where he is and doesn't seem to be hiding anything current, but he still has a bad habit of going out without telling me all his plans, so when he takes longer to come home I end up calling him to find out where he is. My gut is telling me this is not a problem.
But what is a problem is that when I discovered the 2013 OW, I asked for full truth and disclosure, and I didn't get it. He says he was afraid to disappoint me again.
He has been making an effort to be supportive of my grieving process but not very proactive in trying to work on the marriage.
He's not all that remorseful, although he feels sorry for the hurt he's caused. He has tried to explain to me that in his mind, cheating is when you actually have sex with someone else, so other things that are part of the lead up to sex (flirting, kissing etc) are 'on the road to cheating' but not actually cheating. He admits that he stepped outside his marriage and was unfaithful, and that he knew it was wrong, but finds it hard to label it cheating. He realises that this view of cheating is in conflict with most other people's, but he says that's just how he feels. He didn't know what an EA was and I had to show it to him in a dictionary.
OW#1, well I don't think she's married but has had boyfriends on and off during the A. Frankly I don't care whether any of them knew.
OW#2, she has a long term partner who is the father of her child. I think she also has a history of cheating on him and he basically keeps her a semi-prisoner in her home, socially isolated. My WH initially felt sorry for her. I have wondered if I should tell the OW's partner.
There is no such thing as polygraph around here; if there was, I'd like to do it. I live in a remote area.
WH really loves his children and I believe he loves me. He is devastated that I don't like kissing him or hugging him. I have felt numb towards him for quite some time.
We did have issues in our marriage, I acknowledge that. He felt lonely and isolated at times. Doesn't excuse seeking fun outside of our marriage. I always was and still am willing to work on the marriage. I had young children and I was slogging my guts out to try to achieve the dream we had together - to move to a different country (his country of birth). I made it happen, but while I was doing that, he was feeling all neglected and getting his kicks somewhere else. I guess you all know how this feels.