Better question, why does your wife feel her friend's A is acceptable? There have been many stories around here where having a friend with an A leads to other things that could potentially happen. In other words, her friend doesn't have any boundaries, so what's to say she isn't influencing your wife? She may not be, but me personally, I would have a hard time tolerating her friends bs.
In fact, after everything I've been through, one of my very best friends had an A. Even after she saw the effects that it had on me. She chose to do it anyway, and then didn't even own her own shit afterwards. Needless to say I no longer speak to her which makes me very sad, but the fact that she saw the effects and had an A anyway spoke volumes of her character to me.
Expose it if your wife is not willing to. You can relate to the other BS. Use that.
Sorry you are in this situation brother.
First of all, this friend is not a friend of the marriage. She needs to be gone from your life.
Secondly, you should alert the other BS! Everyone deserves to know the truth about their lives. Copy some of the bullsh*t you have witness to as evidence to back you up.
My WH's OW husband found out about the EA before it became a PA. He never told me, and the A became physical about a month later. He didn't want to hurt me. Worst mistake of his life and mine.
I feel it's a chicken-shit move
Bull excrement. Don't help facilitate your WW's friend's A. Remember the quote about *All it takes for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing*. Be a good man brother, do something.
BTW, if your WW's *friend* is engaging in such behavior, why is she still a friend to your WW? It's a given that she's not a FOM? Your WW should be able to recognize this and take the appropriate measures. She's still got some work to do.
Ok, but would it be too "chicken-shit" to contact him through an anonymous number and identity?
Nope, IMO, it's the message, not the messenger.
I think it would turn into a "yeah, but she (my W) went this far
Yep, 2 wrongs make a right. Your WW should recognize this behavior and eliminate the people who engage in it from her life. What happens to an alcoholic who surrounds themselves with drunks.
Just something to ponder.
Talk to your wife first. Let her know that you are going to do it. Let her know as a betrayed spouse it is your duty and that you will be doing it yourself. Then have some empathy for the guy and refer him to this site. That is the right and proper thing to do.
I know you don't want to jeopardize things between you and your wife right now. But if things are getting better, she should support you in this and understand why you have to do this. Talk to her. Immediately before you let him know, let your wife know, but do not let her cut you off. She should support you and work with you.
not just paranoid snooping by a wrecked spouse
No such thing. WW has to be completely open. This(her *friend*) should be a discussion between the two of you!
Do you have all WW's passwords and accounts?
As I stated before, it's the message, not the messenger. Just be sure to include everything you've got. You're not dealing with the AP's BS.
Strength brother. Glad things are better.
ETA Hot Just Friends???? Really??? Sorry
[This message edited by 5454real at 1:53 PM, May 1st (Thursday)]
If you blow the lid off everything, you lose your ability to see what your wife is up to without her knowing, and you shouldn't have to lose that source. That's how you're able to keep your peace of mind during reconciliation and it's important to you - so you shouldn't jeapordize it.
I agree with you - you can send the BH an anonymous message or email telling him about his wife's "friendship" with (insert dirt bag's name here) and also advise him to be SMART and do some digging first before confronting.