6 years ago today, after months of counseling, I had to dig up the answers to the questions I had written because FWH was too afraid to give them to me. The answers revealed my worst nightmare. I then went to work (a hysterical mess I might add). Can you believe it?
If you read my profile, we renewed our vows and are actively reconciling. I don't like to say we are "reconciled" because it is a choice we have to make every day.
In my case, I was lied to for 13 years, so my long "recovery" time shouldn't discourage anyone. I still think about it everyday, because it is part of who I am. I still have issues with depression and anxiety and have been on meds for the past 6 years. I am a shell of the person I once was and am very cynical about marriage in general. I don't really trust him, but I don't trust anyone but God anymore.
On the upside, I got a better husband who is no longer abusive and I no longer think I am crazy. I am assertive (finally) and no longer feel like I can't live without FWH. I am a successful business owner.
My FWH is a different person now. So am I. Our marriage is better. Our spirtual journey is better. I am thankful, with so many of our friends divorcing, that we have stayed together. He is my best friend.
In some ways, I struggle that my FWH cheated and lied and didn't lose anything, but I didn't want to lose my life either.
I love him, but I now know love is a choice. Forgiveness is a choice. Reconciliation is a choice.
Every year, on our antiversary, we do something unique to create new memories (suggested by our MC). That has helped.
I hope my post gives you hope and makes you feel normal.