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realgood2u posted 5/1/2014 16:01 PM

Everything I read on here is heartbreaking; but some of the worst situations are the ones where the BS is pregnant. Equally bad are the cases with OC.

So my question is this...did you require WS to get "fixed" as a result of the A? Specifically, was it on your "dealbreaker" list? Or did you (BS) do the deed for whatever reason?

I ask this as BS who had her tubes tied decades ago (was having C-section so made sense..esp to WH) before any A was known. I now wish I had required WH to go under the knife...at least I would not have to worry (at nearly 60)about my WH escapades creating additional heirs to share our estate with our COM.

OnAnIsland posted 5/1/2014 16:12 PM

Interesting topic. WH just had a vasectomy this month, and it triggered the hell out of me. It has been a topic on the table for years (preA and postA), and I left it firmly in his court. I was so relieved after d day because he hadn't had the V. HE did actually use condoms when having sex (not for all sexual activities, and we both went through 2 rounds of std testing). I think without the vasectomy he would not have used them, and then who knows. I mean marriedOW couldn't possibly have any STDs, right? I mean she makes such good choices, right? Also marriedOW has never had a child, and considered adopting before. i imagine that any accident would have been an OC.

So I didn't insist that he have a vasectomy after d day, and was actually triggered by this choice. It was something we talked through together, and the conversation enlightened WH and me.

I was thankful for no V because it resulted in *my perception* of slightly more protection from marriedOW.

tushnurse posted 5/1/2014 16:18 PM

Wasn't an issue for us, he already had been neutered for quite some time prior to his A. Good thing cause if he had OC I would NOT have been able to R. If the OW would have been some constant reminder in my life, I wouldn't have chosen the path I chose.

V's are not big deal. Snip Snip and they are back to normal in a few days, my H was splitting wood 2 days after his. So had he not been fixed prior to dday, yup I'd a made him do it after. Cause I certainly wouldn't gamble on that bullet being dodged more than once.

Kajem posted 5/1/2014 16:20 PM

When I was pregnant with our last child my (then h, now) XH asked what I wanted for my birthday. I told him a vasectomy. He had the appointment for after the baby arrived. I ended up having an emergency c-section, and had my tubes tied. XH cancelled his appointment. No sense in both people going thru it.

When he left and we divorced I regretted not going thru with his vasectomy. Especially when my kids would worry about if daddy and ow had a baby. It broke my heart to hear them say the things they did.

Hugs,
K

Kelany posted 5/1/2014 16:40 PM

My husband had an A during his first A. Has sex with the AP within a week of it, without a condom.

Furious1 posted 5/1/2014 19:20 PM

WH had a vasectomy after our daughter was born. It wasn't specifically because of the A. I had my suspicions back then, but no proof. The vasectomy was more because he would not lift a finger to help with anything, he was always gone, he was mean to me when he was home, and I didn't see us being married for much longer. I saw it as doing the world a favor.

Unfortunately, OC in our case is three months older than our daughter. She and my daughter could pass for twins.

Sometimes, I wondered if the vasectomy made it easier for WH to mess around afterwards because he didn't have to worry about getting OW pregnant any long. But then I remember that I'm talking about my WH.

brokenblackbird posted 5/1/2014 19:23 PM

Yes, it was a requirement. I don't regret it in the least. Not only will there never be an OC, FWH had to deal with the physical pain of the vasectomy. I can't tell you how much I secretly enjoyed that.

Want2help posted 5/1/2014 22:11 PM

Yes, his vasectomy was a condition of our R.

FWH has 3 adult children from his previous M. Then OC, then our DD.

Once I am 100% sure that I don't want any more biological children (we have an only child, and I am 99% sure), then he will get his vasectomy. That way, in the event of an A or us divorcing, I know that he will not have any more children, which I think is fair, since he has 5 to my 1.

DTERMINED2SURVIV posted 5/1/2014 22:47 PM

Sometimes, I wondered if the vasectomy made it easier for WH to mess around afterwards because he didn't have to worry about getting OW pregnant

Thats what mine said DURING dday. He told me about a fellow musician who had a vasectomy and would go and cheat on his wife with his former girlfriend and mother of his first child. At first I wanted him to fear having another OC but now have realized my health is FIRST. I should have made it a condition. I wouldnt be pregnant now. Now im a high risk pregnancy with my life threatened. Its a shitty place to be in. FYI ive tried to have my tubes tied, TWICE! Both times while I was cut open for a csection. Tried IUD to find out I have uterine fibroids, and my birth control failed me... Just lovely!

Flatlined123 posted 5/2/2014 05:21 AM

H had a V about 2 years after our twins were born. A happened about 5 years later. It was great for us, but I'm sure that's why he didn't use protection with AP.

I truly think that is what pisses me off the most. The total lack of regard for my or his health.

Because we all know AP would never lie

Bobbi_sue posted 5/2/2014 06:09 AM

My XH cheated on me when I was pregnant with our 3rd child. I had only planned to have two and we had two beautiful, brilliant healthy DDs. But he wanted another child. Guess he was hoping for a boy, but I think mostly he was hoping for a way to further trap me in the M since I had no idea he had been cheating throughout the entire M (ten years at that time).

Most were prostitutes but during this pregnancy, he had an EA/PA with a "religious" woman. She called me when she started to get suspicious since he said he was divorced. In spite of her hearing my reaction and breakdown over the phone, telling her I was preg, this "religious" woman still did it with him two weeks after our son was born. But that is obviously beside the point.

My XH wanted to work things out and my options were pretty limited in those days, no money, nobody I felt I could count on to help me with three small children, etc. My XH offered to get a vasectomy but I said never mind, I would get my tubes tied. I never really told him my thinking but I was thinking that someday I might get the courage to D him and I was still young (29). I actually thought ahead that I might meet someone new who would want children or more children. I made up my mind that I was not letting any man convince me to have more children as my XH had done.

I still remember that day when I went for my procedure like yesterday. My heart rate was down to 33 beats per minute for some odd reason (Though that was the lowest, it has been in the 40s other times, and is usually generally low though I don't work out that much or do anything to cause this). Before doing the procedure they called in a team of heart doctors to make sure everything was okay. They gave me a drug to speed up my heart. I know I started to cry while waiting on that table. They thought it was over the deal with the heart. It wasn't. It was because of my XH's cheating and my knowledge of what had spurred me to want this done at that point in my life.

Anyway, that was over 25 years ago and in spite over everything, I cannot imagine life without my wonderful third child, a son who has also now brought me two precious grandchildren.

[This message edited by Bobbi_sue at 6:09 AM, May 2nd (Friday)]

Sadmumma posted 5/2/2014 06:24 AM

I was pushing the moron for years, for non A related reasons.

But niggling in the back of my mind was that if he did get 'fixed' he would see it as a green light to bonk everything with a heartbeat.

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