So my question is this...did you require WS to get "fixed" as a result of the A? Specifically, was it on your "dealbreaker" list? Or did you (BS) do the deed for whatever reason?
I ask this as BS who had her tubes tied decades ago (was having C-section so made sense..esp to WH) before any A was known. I now wish I had required WH to go under the knife...at least I would not have to worry (at nearly 60)about my WH escapades creating additional heirs to share our estate with our COM.
"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."
So I didn't insist that he have a vasectomy after d day, and was actually triggered by this choice. It was something we talked through together, and the conversation enlightened WH and me.
I was thankful for no V because it resulted in *my perception* of slightly more protection from marriedOW.
Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful sons
You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou
V's are not big deal. Snip Snip and they are back to normal in a few days, my H was splitting wood 2 days after his. So had he not been fixed prior to dday, yup I'd a made him do it after. Cause I certainly wouldn't gamble on that bullet being dodged more than once.
When he left and we divorced I regretted not going thru with his vasectomy. Especially when my kids would worry about if daddy and ow had a baby. It broke my heart to hear them say the things they did.
Former 80s Icon wishful thinking
Unfortunately, OC in our case is three months older than our daughter. She and my daughter could pass for twins.
Sometimes, I wondered if the vasectomy made it easier for WH to mess around afterwards because he didn't have to worry about getting OW pregnant any long. But then I remember that I'm talking about my WH.
FWH has 3 adult children from his previous M. Then OC, then our DD.
Once I am 100% sure that I don't want any more biological children (we have an only child, and I am 99% sure), then he will get his vasectomy. That way, in the event of an A or us divorcing, I know that he will not have any more children, which I think is fair, since he has 5 to my 1.
My Affair/OC: 2015
Status: trying to pick up the pieces.
Sometimes, I wondered if the vasectomy made it easier for WH to mess around afterwards because he didn't have to worry about getting OW pregnant
Thats what mine said DURING dday. He told me about a fellow musician who had a vasectomy and would go and cheat on his wife with his former girlfriend and mother of his first child. At first I wanted him to fear having another OC but now have realized my health is FIRST. I should have made it a condition. I wouldnt be pregnant now. Now im a high risk pregnancy with my life threatened. Its a shitty place to be in. FYI ive tried to have my tubes tied, TWICE! Both times while I was cut open for a csection. Tried IUD to find out I have uterine fibroids, and my birth control failed me... Just lovely!
I truly think that is what pisses me off the most. The total lack of regard for my or his health.
Because we all know AP would never lie
Most were prostitutes but during this pregnancy, he had an EA/PA with a "religious" woman. She called me when she started to get suspicious since he said he was divorced. In spite of her hearing my reaction and breakdown over the phone, telling her I was preg, this "religious" woman still did it with him two weeks after our son was born. But that is obviously beside the point.
My XH wanted to work things out and my options were pretty limited in those days, no money, nobody I felt I could count on to help me with three small children, etc. My XH offered to get a vasectomy but I said never mind, I would get my tubes tied. I never really told him my thinking but I was thinking that someday I might get the courage to D him and I was still young (29). I actually thought ahead that I might meet someone new who would want children or more children. I made up my mind that I was not letting any man convince me to have more children as my XH had done.
I still remember that day when I went for my procedure like yesterday. My heart rate was down to 33 beats per minute for some odd reason (Though that was the lowest, it has been in the 40s other times, and is usually generally low though I don't work out that much or do anything to cause this). Before doing the procedure they called in a team of heart doctors to make sure everything was okay. They gave me a drug to speed up my heart. I know I started to cry while waiting on that table. They thought it was over the deal with the heart. It wasn't. It was because of my XH's cheating and my knowledge of what had spurred me to want this done at that point in my life.
Anyway, that was over 25 years ago and in spite over everything, I cannot imagine life without my wonderful third child, a son who has also now brought me two precious grandchildren.
[This message edited by Bobbi_sue at 6:09 AM, May 2nd (Friday)]
But niggling in the back of my mind was that if he did get 'fixed' he would see it as a green light to bonk everything with a heartbeat.