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Wedding video

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mchercheur posted 5/1/2014 20:59 PM

Costco had a sale last month, so WH decided to take in all of our old videos & have them converted to DVDs. Now they are ready, & the link came in the email.
Lots of cute videos of the kids when they were young, & its funny how when you see them, you relive the moment & remember exactly what you were thinking then.

Of course, our Wedding video was there too.
I should have burned that on Dday.

So, I made the mistake of watching it today.

It's all there. Our friends & family---some are gone now.
Us, blissfully happy, taking our vows.
Putting the rings on each other's fingers.
We promised to love, honor, & cherish each other & be faithful.

Those vows are crystal clear---there is no room for doubt about what they mean.
Of course, WH should have added, at the end of his vows: "until a SLUT throws herself on me."

Just like WH, I work with members of the opposite sex too. Men have "come on" to me since I got married, & I walked the other way & stayed away. There was never any question about that for me. I found it insulting that they had so little respect for my husband, my marriage & family.

But you see, that's the difference between me & WH:

My identity was "WE", & his identity was "me".
I would never do anything without first thinking how it would affect him & the kids.

I have read hundreds of books since Dday, been to hours of counseling, cried an ocean of tears, talked & talked & talked , & been on this site for many many hours...

& I still don't have the answer.
What about the vows you made to that person? I guess they mean nothing to you. How can you do that to your life partner & the parent of your children?
Someone tell me.

[This message edited by mchercheur at 9:19 PM, May 1st (Thursday)]

Ivyivy posted 5/1/2014 21:03 PM

I hear your pain and understand exactly what you are saying. I am still looking for answers too.

Ivyivy posted 5/1/2014 21:03 PM

I hear your pain and understand exactly what you are saying. I am still looking for answers too.

kiki1 posted 5/1/2014 21:10 PM

my wh told me he didnt love me at the time of his affairs.

it doesnt make me feel better to hear that, but its true.

now he loves me.

i've always loved him.

i dont understand it either.

mchercheur posted 5/1/2014 21:12 PM

I said to my WH: "How could you do this, knowing how much it would hurt me?"
My WH said: "I wasn't thinking about you at all."

stunnedin12 posted 5/1/2014 22:41 PM

That had to be hard to watch. I have destroyed so many pictures, letters, and cards in the last two years. I know where the wedding video is and have contemplated destroying it a few times.

That said,

Wh has told me I simply did not factor into his thinking. I never entered his mind. I was a non-person in his world.

one2ndchance posted 5/1/2014 23:00 PM

How can you do that to your life partner & the parent of your children?

They do it because they are weak, self indulgent, and dishonest. They are flawed...as we all are....only more so.

Your choice is to accept that about them and believe them when they say they will change, or walk away from them.

I, sadly, have done both.

Hope2B posted 5/1/2014 23:00 PM

(((((mchercheur))))),

I am so sorry for this continued pain. It just doesn't make sense to us, does it?

My WH said: "I wasn't thinking about you at all."
Well, why the hell NOT? Because thinking of you would have meant he'd have to face the fact that he was, or was going to be, unfaithful? Because he'd have to face the kind of man he is/was? Because he didn't want to think of you, and if he did, he wouldn't get what he wanted (and what he wanted was the slut)?

How easily some people can compartmentalize and put any responsibility for their actions off to the side, because of thoughtlessness.

I would never do anything without first thinking how it would affect him & the kids.
You are thoughtful, you have thoughtfulness to the core of your being--that component was (is?) missing in him.

(((((((mchercheur)))))))

BreatheAgain10 posted 5/2/2014 00:31 AM

I have nothing better to say than what others above have already written...
I just wanted to ((HUG)) you bc I know how it hurts you. We're here with you mchercheur!

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