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Just venting at ex's continued lies

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Nature_Girl posted 5/1/2014 21:58 PM

I just need to vent about my ex's continued lies. As usual he is using our children for his narcissistic supply.

So latest thing is he lost his job and chose not to get COBRA so the kids could have health insurance. Result = the kids have no health insurance. I'm still trying to get health insurance via the Affordable Care Act, but let me tell you, the FUBAR nature of my application - ongoing since December - means I still do not have health insurance. I'm trying to retroactively get my kids put onto my application, but it's all truly FUBAR. Net result = the kids have no health insurance. (Let's not go into my lack of health insurance or how I might get it. I've BTDT, not having the conversation online)

But apparently my ex is so desperate for ego kibbles that he's made himself out to be Hero Dad yet again. Has told them that he has obtained or otherwise made sure that they're being taken care of and have health insurance. Only that's a complete lie. One which was uncovered when I was talking with my son about my ongoing nightmare at trying to get health insurance for all of us. His face fell, he actually shrunk in size as he turned his face away from me and asked in a small voice, "Dad said he took care of health insurance for us. He said we had it. Was that another lie, Mom?"

I told him that I refused to say if it was or wasn't a lie, however the fact of the matter is that Dad chose not to continue health insurance coverage when he lost his job and left it all to me to figure out. Because it was his choice. He could have continued coverage. He simply chose not to.

I just don't know why ex had to even bring the subject up with the kids. I will never understand the mental illness that would inspire him to go out of his way to tell the kids a lie like that. If he'd never said anything the kids would never have been the wiser. They didn't need to know anything. But instead he needed to prop up his impotent ego and lie to the kids so he could be a hero in their eyes.

Kajem posted 5/1/2014 22:17 PM

He's not only using the kids for ego kibbles, he's also using them for his emotional crutch and he tries to beat you with the crutch. You can either prop up your kids ( and prop up his crutch) or you can not prop the kids ( and you beat yourself up with guilt).

Either way he wins by telling them stuff- it gets to you!

I'm not saying anything you are doing is wrong. Just answering the why he does this shit involving your kids. And don't be afraid to call a spade a spade. What dad said is not true, you do not have insurance. You're not calling him a liar, just that he did not speak the truth! The emphasis is on his words, not his character.

Hugs, I really wish your x would disappear after his life insurance is paid and your the beneficiary.


one2ndchance posted 5/1/2014 22:23 PM

What an absolute a-hole

I have so much respect for single Moms like you that are left to solely carry the burden of providing for their kids.


debbysbaby posted 5/1/2014 22:31 PM

I wish he'd get struck by lightning. ⚡️⚡️

SBB posted 5/1/2014 22:52 PM

^what Kajem said. He gets ego kibbles in person and really, how are the kids going to check up on his facts? It's the perfect situation for him right now and hell milk it for all he can.

I've said before your kids aren't the mark a you are.

You don't have to call him a liar but I don't agree with not answering it directly. You do not have insurance - I am working on getting it.

Was that another lie? Yes son it is.

He can't take you for parental alienation - it is fact, not opinion.

We have a National health system here but from what I understand it not having Health Insurance in the US is a big deal.

It's just another weapon in his arsenal. Is it in your decree that he covers health? If so then I would pursue it legally.

I fucking loathe this guy. Just to get a reaction out of you he puts those kids at risk. I wish terrible things on that guy.

Lola2kids posted 5/2/2014 06:38 AM

I tend to agree with SBB.

It's a fact that the kids don't have health insurance. They don't because of their dad.
He did lie to your son.

I think that telling him would have been ok.

NG, I so hope that your X finally loses interest in your kids. At some point maybe your son will stand up to him.

Here's hoping that you can get it all sorted out soon and hoping your kids are healthy in the meantime.


nekorb posted 5/2/2014 07:28 AM


I'm so sorry. What an ass.

I think I'd focus on making the kids feel secure. (As much as is possible in the current situation.)

"The information your dad gave you is incorrect. You do not have health insurance right now, but I am correcting that situation."

When they ask if it's a lie you could go with something like,"I don't know if it was a lie or if your dad had incorrect information. Either way, I am correcting the situation."

Always end with the fact that you are handling the situation. They need to know that YOU are seeing to their well being regardless of what their dad says or does. We here at SI sure know it!!

norabird posted 5/2/2014 09:19 AM


Is Medicaid not an option?

Nature_Girl posted 5/2/2014 09:48 AM

Norabird, it is the only option, however my case is FUBAR. I just won't go into it here, but it has to do with getting divorced just when the ACA went into effect, changing my name, and my ex. Now I'm adding the kids into the mix.

osxgirl posted 5/2/2014 16:06 PM

Don't most states have something that makes sure kids are covered when there is no insurance? Is that an option?

Granted, even if it IS an option, it probably isn't a great one. But look into it. Your state may have something that will cover them until either you can get insurance in place or they can force your X to do something about it.

whiteflower99 posted 5/2/2014 19:39 PM

They are CHILDREN. Why did he even have to drag them into this? They shouldn't be worried about what insurance is or how it works. I'm so sorry NG. You are always so strong for everyone.

Hurt4Ever posted 5/3/2014 06:58 AM

How old is this son? Just curious.

deena posted 5/3/2014 09:03 AM

I agree with everyone else.
He is an irresponsible jerk, to put his kids in a scary spot because he is either cheap and/or to get a rise out of you.

He has showed his kids that he can't be trusted, that is his bad and they have already come to know that it is you they can trust. Don't cover for him, just be open and honest without calling him names.

You are a good dependable mom Nature_Girl......the kids know and respect you for it!!!

tesla posted 5/3/2014 10:56 AM

Ugh. There is a special circle of hell reserved for fuckers that let their childrens' healthcare lapse AND DO NOTHING ABOUT IT!!!


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