Others will come here with good advice for you. I just wanted to let you know that you've been heard and others know your pain.
Start reading the articles in "The Healing Library", including The 180. Continue counseling, even if its just for you, you have been through trauma.
Good luck to you.
All you can do is try your best to protect yourself financially at this point.
Please don't make the mistake of trying to lure her back with more money or the promise of a better life than what this creep can offer her, just because he earns minimum wage. She's already SHOWN you she's happy to use people in order to get what she needs, so DON'T try to persuade her to come back because you can offer her more. Who the hell wants a user whose hanging around for what you can give her?
LET HER GO.
Get lawyered up IMMEDIATELY and start protecting your financial interests.
Get a good lawyer, and do as he or she tells you.
And I hear you about the shock, the lies, and not really knowing who she is any more. I thought I knew my WH inside and out, but found of after 20 yeas that I was wrong. It's a normal reaction to a crazy situation, and I am sorry that you find yourself in it.
It was not your fault that she had an affair. It will be your fault if you allow her to continue moving in and out of your home whenever she wants, confusing your daughter and hurting you every time she lies and leaves again.
Absolutely. Not your fault at all... EVERY cheater I've ever known or read about has tried t justify themselves by BLAMING the person they cheated on. It's blameshifting... and don't you buy in to it.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you and your precious baby, but you're in the right place. The support and information here at SI was a lifeline for me int the beginning!
Me, works in the medical field
Him, emergency services worker
Infidelity, with his long time friend (thought she was my friend too)
If you haven't already, you're going to have to be tested for STD/HIV. Please do so immediately in case she's given you a disease. And since it looks like you're heading straight to divorce due to her actions, you might want to go down to the Separation and Divorce forum to introduce yourself. There's a lot of good people down there who can support and advise you during this time.
Keep posting. We're all here for you.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Do check out the D/S forum and also the Betrayed Men thread in I Can Relate.