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timetraveler posted 5/2/2014 02:44 AM

I know a lot of people struggle with their families and FOO issues.
But I'd like to brag on my mom.

2 days after DD my fwh went to my parents and told them the whole truth. He wanted me to have the family support I would need. My parents were shocked, upset and yet still loving to their son-in-law of 26 yrs.

A few months into our separation my mom tells me she needs to talk to fwh, that she needs to "get things out". They meet, she presents and then reads him a letter. It was amazing. She told it like it was and even toned it down because my dad said it was too mean. They talk for 2 1/2 hrs and I believe that conversation helped fwh realize the long-lasting and "ripple effect" his A had on our whole family. My fwh considers my parents to be his "real" family, his side are a little on the NPD side--go figure.

Now 9 months out, my mom is composing a letter to COW. She feels fwh is remorseful and is working through his sh*t and is becoming the man he is supposed to be. But she feels that COW never had any consequences, never experienced any negative outcome from her behavior which was the same as fwh.(fwh lost his job because of his choices during the A) She wants to "out her".

She's 70 yrs old and she says she's seen it many times before. There are predatory women out there that base their self-worth on their sexuality and their ability to break up happy marriages. This COW has done it at least 4 times previously and will likely continue. My IC even shuddered and said he hopes he never comes across a woman like her because the manipulation is so fine-tuned and calculating. You don't want to be caught in her cross-hairs.

My mom wants revenge, she wants justice, but what she wants more than anything is for me to not hurt anymore. I love her.

With Mother's Day fast approaching I would love to hear from others how their moms, honorary moms-women who are special in their lives, have helped support them through this journey.

PS. sorry if my screen name offends--didn't know when I chose it, that Time was a four-letter word around here.

[This message edited by timetraveler at 2:51 AM, May 2nd (Friday)]

justinpaintoday posted 5/2/2014 05:29 AM

You are truly blessed to have such a wise person in your life. My mom has been supportive however, the wisdom and discernment your mom shows is admirable.

Revenge vs justice are delicate areas. Wanting to out OW to protect others is one thing. Revenge can be self destructive so hopefully (and it sounds like she does) she has a balance.

lucky you

MissMouseMo posted 5/2/2014 10:33 AM

My mom is amazing. She continues to help me navigate life with a healthy dose of pragmatism, love, grace, forgiveness, tenacity, and even some indulgence. She just rocks. She has been through a LOT and had what it takes to weather the storms of a sometimes-challenging life and look back with a gentle eye - and to encourage me to do the same. She has held me through the ugly cries and angry, angry bitterness, and soothed me into a semblance of calm afterward.

Just yesterday I brought a neighbor to meet her for the first time and as we were walking out he remarked with quiet surprise about her "gentle countenance" (English is not his first language but he was so eloquent - and right).

I do not have enough words to express how uniquely wonderful my mother is and how lucky I am to have been raised by such a remarkable woman. I am terrified of the day she won't be, even as I see it coming nearer.

So glad your mother is there for you.