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newlife2014 posted 5/2/2014 06:06 AM

I had an affair about 14 years ago when I discovered my husband online talking to other women, I felt betrayed and instead to trying real hard to fix my marriage I opened my heart up to a co-worker, I ended it when I came to the realization that I truly loved my husband and wanted to spend my life with him! Since then my husband has thrown my affair in face with every little argument. My husband has had multiple online affairs since the very first one, he has had one very emotional affair (in person, no online met her at a bar), and recently I discovered that he has been on multiple dating sites, and posted several ads on CL, he says because of his CL account he slept with 2 prostitutes last June, but he lied several times before he finally told me this story! He said he had been trying to sleep with another women in October but the meeting kept falling through! He told me all of this finally in January of this year, but only because I seen a few messages and found his CL posts (because of what the messages said is how I discovered CL) All together my husband says he slept with 3 people during our 17 year marriage and has tried to sleep my many many more, he doesn't know how many online affairs he has had ( to many to count) and says he has done all this throughout most of our marriage because he wanted revenge on me! This all started because of his online affairs and he has always blamed me for everything until these recent events he says he is to blame, but his lies and his actions of the past are constantly in my head, I'm not sure how we can make it through all this! My self esteem is so low I m not real sure how I truly function each day, I think I keep going for our children! I want this year to be our new life but wondering if it can ever be! We are seeing a marriage counselor currently but I still feel like he is holding back something or maybe even sweet talking me again to keep me happy for a while until he plans his next affair! I feel so lost right now!

Lucky2HaveMe posted 5/2/2014 07:50 AM

I feel your sadness and your pain. It seems that two broken people are in that downward spiral - spiraling out of control. It is soooo difficult to reverse that spiral. But know that it can be done - with a lot of hard, individual work; both committed 100% to and honest, transparent relationship.

Have you thought about individual counseling (IC) for both of you. Until you are both healthy as individuals, the M can't be healthy.

Is your MC trained/experienced in dealing with infidelity and all that entails to heal? It sounds like everything from the past has just been rug-swept and nothing has been confronted head-on. It's painful and difficult, but the only way to get through this is to work through it.

Welcome to SI. You will find a lot of support here. Check out the healing library (top left corner box). There is a ton of info there that would be helpful to both of you.

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