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Newest Member: silenceisnotgold (46036)

User Topic: Why nightmares now?
Zengirl
♀ 42195
Member # 42195
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, not nightmares exactly, but those panic attacks in the night where I wake up in a pool of sweat with my heart racing? Why now?

We're 6 months out, and although I'm obviously having good days and bad, things are generally in a positive place. But when I wake up from a night like this, it makes it really hard to keep my head clear. I'm exhausted, and I don't understand why this is back now.

It's making me paranoid. Does my body know something my brain is too tired to see? Or is this a normal thing to cycle back around? My gut tells me everything is going well with R, but I don't have a lot of faith in my gut anymore. H is doing what he can to reassure me, but I woke up shaky and confused this morning anyway.

Questions and doubts are again creeping in, which in the context of a healthy marriage would seem absurd. Did WH really get a hair cut when he said he did? I mean, his hair is cut, and there was absolutely nothing suspicious about the circumstances. But I want to see the time stamp on the receipt to know for sure. I HATE it that our marriage is so ridiculous now. I hate it that the trust in my husband (my HUSBAND!!!) is so broken that this could possibly even come up.

I don't feel that same panic of the early days, but I just feel a constant dullness - a deep sadness that this is my new reality. That if I have a bad night I'm right back to doubting everything. It's like I'm back to the disbelief that this even happened. Back to the How Could You stage.

I don't know what I'm looking for here. I'm just trying to figure out the ups and downs, I guess.


Me (BW): 40
Married: 15 years
3 kids
D-Day: 10/13

Posts: 164 | Registered: Jan 2014
steadfast1973
♀ 24719
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 7:12 AM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me, too. Both ddays, panic attacks started 6 months out. For me, both times, it's when trust was starting to come back a little... It's pretty scary to start to trust someone who has betrayed you this badly. It's sort of like driving again after having a horrible accident...


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
spond
♂ 41686
Member # 41686
Default  Posted: 7:33 AM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Zengirl))

Unfortunately, it's the healing process that we all must go through. It seems like they happen the most when my mind gets time to wander. Like on my drive to work (30 minutes each way). Song lyrics or titles get me most. and it is sooo hard to combat it. I personally, switch it to my Green Day play list and it gets my mind off of it after a while.

I haven't had many dreams/nightmares about it, (knock on wood), so I can't help there. If your H is being remorseful, open and honest, then you just have to work though it. If he is doing something that is triggering it, tell him what is going on. Communication both ways is very important.


BH(me) | fWW
2 Kids - Married 2002
D-Day TT & EA | D-Day #2 PA
Reconciling

Posts: 427 | Registered: Dec 2013
KatieG
♀ 41222
Member # 41222
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

it's when trust was starting to come back a little

I think this is true and positive. Scary because you don't want to feel like you are going backwards - but you're not you're moving through it.


DD#1 - 6th Oct 13 - TT
DD#2 - 9th Nov 13 - Full disclosure
DD#3 - 12th May 14 - FOG lifted and in R
7 week A, 2 weeks together, rest phone and email - PA and EA

Posts: 514 | Registered: Nov 2013
Topic Posts: 4

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