Yesterday, I had a friend do a fantastic job of showing what it means to be a friend of the marriage and to also discern right from wrong and take a stand. I'm so grateful to him that I want to share.
My BW is just starting to use Linked In (a professional networking site) and made contact with a friend that I used to work with. To her dismay, she found that my AP's husband, who was complicit in the affair, was one of his contacts. I had introduced them back when we were all friends.
I reached out to him with this note:
Sorry it's been so long since I've typed to you. In trying to clean up and rebuild my life and marriage I'm putting a lot of distance between myself and things from my life in [former city].
In that vein, I have a request for you. Would you be willing to cut out [AP's husband] and [AP] from all of your contacts? LiveJournal, Linked In and whatever else? I know that you don't see them, but I could use the support of knowing that you are willing to cut out people that were so toxic to myself and [BW].
If you think this is an unreasonable thing to ask, tell me so I'll know where you stand.
To my great happiness, he responded within minutes with this:
I deleted those fuckwads from my Facebook the day you told me about all that shit going down. I'll check and make sure I don't have linkedin contacts with them
There were more messages that passed, he found and removed the errant contact and clearly came down in support of our marriage without rug-sweeping my role in the affair. I'm really grateful to my friend for his support and willingness to take a stand on a moral issue rather than not wanting to get involved.
He concluded with this and made me cry at work.
I have been, and always shall be, your friend. -Spock :-)