i am so sorry. When your own needs are being pushed aside like this it's awful. I truly hope the new treatment plan is better.
It has got to feel overwhelming.
When I hear stories like yours I feel grateful I have not had to do what you're living thru. My xwf was not remorseful for more than 5 mins. and was gone. Very hard, but not like what you're having to deal with.
Plus I'm a nurse and completely understand what issues you're probably dealing with. Ugh. Is ws drinking alcohol and taking medications? Alcohol definitely makes his mind issues worse, and then creates interactions with his medications worse. That's why they say not to drink on many meds. particularly psych. ones.
Having a puppy around is too much to add to you and then having ws be hard on the puppy is not safe for puppy or you. Maybe you can have it as a goal for later.
Because I'm older (64.5, 61 at DD), what you're dealing with scares me about considering another relationship as as men get older (my age bracket) more health issues seem to show up finally (seem more delayed than women's).
All those meds. ws has tried has muddied the waters. IMO.
Strength to you cancun.
[This message edited by Thinkingtoomuch at 10:09 AM, May 2nd (Friday)]
I also wanted to tell you that this doctor saying it's all about ws now. Hmm. I don't think so. Did he ever hear about the caretaker being taken down before the patient? I have seen the effects. Patient lived, caretaker died. Maybe later, but still died.
You have a right to be angry, put yourself first, and take care of yourself. I think his family should step up to the plate to help.
This is obviously not just a one person job.
Yours should be, too.
It's very possible that your health is a result of the stress. And now here you are with even MORE stress.
I've lived with mental health issues with my XH. I absolutely understand how this affects you...how seeing the difference in them creates SO many different emotions in you. But there is some degree of coping - or lack thereof - that still lies within the sick person's responsibility.
That goes for him.
That goes for you.
TAKE. CARE. OF. YOU.
The same as you wish he would take care of him.
You're wasting energy here because you are not equipped to do his work. But you are equipped to do your work.
Please, honey. Please, please, please think about this. Do something small today. Do it again tomorrow. Find some joy today. Forget happiness...just search out joy - no matter how pointless or fleeting you feel it may be. If you will just do the one, you will find your way in this. Do the one. Do it today.
Big, big hugs.
Your gut is telling you he's gaming you.
Save yourself a sh!tload of heartache and pull out. If, after he's in a better place, he wants to show you Herculean effort, you can consider that if that day ever comes, but keep / get yourself healthy now.
He could get hit by a bus next week even if the other stuff doesn't get him so make sure you're taking care of yourself. There are other people who need you besides him, y'know?
It's funny how no one ever imagine you can't carry two people. That you always think you have an infinite amount of strength, of "oxygen" to live. Honestly, you can't breathe for someone else.
A puppy's love is at least reciprocal and honest.
On a side note, my WH did all kinds of origami yoga to twist away from anything that made him uncomfortable about his own actions. And so very selfish. It is manipulative. It is mean. You are feeling the right things.