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cancuncrushed posted 5/2/2014 09:25 AM

I just don't know what to do anymore...H is way worse...They had to enroll him in a program, daily...Change his meds again.. He was having depressive reactions...Today is his first day.I am so down..I do not think I am depressed , I am very angry...I hate him...I am seeing a IC myself. They have given me zanex now.. I have been looking for a puppy for 6 months....She was ready yesterday...It was not a good day with puppy and H...I am going to return her....He was a bastard when she went pp..I don't need more eggshell walking...I needed a baby . Its been three years...But once again,,,I will not subject an innocent puppy...I understand h is ill....I am angry for all the things always wrong with H...He had issues long before depression. I don't care if they are intertwined...I am exhausted...I am not his miracle worker...He does not appeal to me anymore.
He forgot my biopsy again..Total 5 times...I reminded him 5 times. On the way, I saw beer in our truck...He was going to take beer to a friend (Gift, homemade) (the last, we poured it all out) right after my biopsy...He did not forget the beer 5 times..And asked me if he could leave while I had my biopsy .Clearly he was not there for me.. I felt in the way, of a beer run.. NOw while I wait for results, he forgets about the results.....Then his condition got worse .reaction to the medicine again...The dr said yesterday, this was all about him..for now.. for me to help him, and be there for him...No fighting...No bitterness....Yes, he knew about my health...Something inside me has clicked...Its a very ugly outlook..I am very very angry...He is now on unknown length of medical leave...I called his parents and told them yesterday...H broke down..Further..I know this sounds terrible but I have a very real gut feeling, even tho he is in severe depression, he is working this...Using this to manipulate me..Saying, we should put the past behind us..He wants me to be happy....Lets move on and not look back...I said, I feel manipulated, and we will discuss this on a day when he is healthier....He smiled a very suspious smile, like he was caught. I realize h is not himself...on meds, he could be acting completely different then normal...But there is something t here...I feel utter disgust.

MartlArts posted 5/2/2014 09:43 AM

((((Cancuncrushed))))). So sorry for all you are dealing with. What a dilemma. Yes, your wedding vows say in sickness and in health, but that should work both ways. If you are and have been there through his sickness, he needs to be there for you.

norabird posted 5/2/2014 09:57 AM


i am so sorry. When your own needs are being pushed aside like this it's awful. I truly hope the new treatment plan is better.

Thinkingtoomuch posted 5/2/2014 10:05 AM

Hi, cancun,

It has got to feel overwhelming.

When I hear stories like yours I feel grateful I have not had to do what you're living thru. My xwf was not remorseful for more than 5 mins. and was gone. Very hard, but not like what you're having to deal with.

Plus I'm a nurse and completely understand what issues you're probably dealing with. Ugh. Is ws drinking alcohol and taking medications? Alcohol definitely makes his mind issues worse, and then creates interactions with his medications worse. That's why they say not to drink on many meds. particularly psych. ones.

Having a puppy around is too much to add to you and then having ws be hard on the puppy is not safe for puppy or you. Maybe you can have it as a goal for later.

Because I'm older (64.5, 61 at DD), what you're dealing with scares me about considering another relationship as as men get older (my age bracket) more health issues seem to show up finally (seem more delayed than women's).

All those meds. ws has tried has muddied the waters. IMO.

Strength to you cancun.

[This message edited by Thinkingtoomuch at 10:09 AM, May 2nd (Friday)]

Thinkingtoomuch posted 5/2/2014 10:20 AM

I also wanted to tell you that this doctor saying it's all about ws now. Hmm. I don't think so. Did he ever hear about the caretaker being taken down before the patient? I have seen the effects. Patient lived, caretaker died. Maybe later, but still died.

You have a right to be angry, put yourself first, and take care of yourself. I think his family should step up to the plate to help.

This is obviously not just a one person job.

truthsetmefree posted 5/2/2014 10:45 AM

My concern is for you, cancun.

Yours should be, too.

It's very possible that your health is a result of the stress. And now here you are with even MORE stress.

I've lived with mental health issues with my XH. I absolutely understand how this affects seeing the difference in them creates SO many different emotions in you. But there is some degree of coping - or lack thereof - that still lies within the sick person's responsibility.

That goes for him.
That goes for you.

The same as you wish he would take care of him.

You're wasting energy here because you are not equipped to do his work. But you are equipped to do your work.

Please, honey. Please, please, please think about this. Do something small today. Do it again tomorrow. Find some joy today. Forget happiness...just search out joy - no matter how pointless or fleeting you feel it may be. If you will just do the one, you will find your way in this. Do the one. Do it today.

Big, big hugs.

MissMouseMo posted 5/2/2014 10:51 AM

Put *your* oxygen mask on first.

Your gut is telling you he's gaming you.

Save yourself a sh!tload of heartache and pull out. If, after he's in a better place, he wants to show you Herculean effort, you can consider that if that day ever comes, but keep / get yourself healthy now.

He could get hit by a bus next week even if the other stuff doesn't get him so make sure you're taking care of yourself. There are other people who need you besides him, y'know?

It's funny how no one ever imagine you can't carry two people. That you always think you have an infinite amount of strength, of "oxygen" to live. Honestly, you can't breathe for someone else.

A puppy's love is at least reciprocal and honest.

seenow posted 5/2/2014 10:54 AM

That just seems like too much! Too much to ask of you. When do you get to sit and heal? Hang in there cancuncrushed. One minute at a time. You are important too.

On a side note, my WH did all kinds of origami yoga to twist away from anything that made him uncomfortable about his own actions. And so very selfish. It is manipulative. It is mean. You are feeling the right things.

cancuncrushed posted 5/2/2014 11:22 AM

Thanks to all...I still have puppy today..She is so perfect and good..It was a lucky find...Its her nap time...I am going to the zoo.. My other favorite past time...and a long beautiful apring walk..Waiting for my results..Hoping today I hear...H acted as if I didn't accept that offer, he was done...then walked into the mental health facility.. ..My kids are insisting I keep the puppy..They don't know half of whats happening.....I will think for a few days...I am waiting on too many things to decide...There was no time limit with the return...Thanks for your replys..Sometimes I just feel crazy..With no answers...And always waiting...

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