"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

cantaccept posted 5/2/2014 10:21 AM

stbxwh and I handed in our financials at court, court clerk notarized them in front of judge, take an oath that it is true.

He lied, he stated that his income was $43,000, the exact same as mine. I have copies of his bank records from last year, $140,000 deposited (self employed) and I found about $40,000 in material costs. He also took in cash that he did not deposit so I have no records of this.

I do not have a lawyer. How do I show this to the court?

I just don't know the process. I tried calling the mediator but she said that she could not give advice.

Anyone deal with this?

Catwoman posted 5/2/2014 10:30 AM

You need an attorney, as you need to subpoena things like his bank records, etc.

Did you file for divorce via mediation?

Cat

Nature_Girl posted 5/2/2014 10:39 AM

Yes, I dealt with this. Lied about his expenses, lied about all kinds of financial information. I had the proof in black & white back records, emails & statements from the pediatrician. However, family court does not typically care about this kind of thing. Perjury is not an issue in family court. I repeat, perjury is not an issue. To quote my attorney, "You are expected to lie."

It was just another way that my ex was able to screw me over.

Legally you have the right to subpoena his bank records. Enforcing that is another thing. I really think you need an attorney, if only for a consultation.

cantaccept posted 5/2/2014 10:50 AM

I have 16 months of his bank records printed, they show the deposits.

You are expected to lie???

I cannot afford a lawyer, I do not qualify for legal aid, I slip right between the cracks. Crazy I can get assistance for fuel but not to help with divorcing this evil person.

I just was wondering if I can show this to the mediator. I am learning as I go. No clue how to do this.

Nature_Girl posted 5/2/2014 11:04 AM

As long as you came by those financial records on the up & up, I absolutely think you should show those records to the mediator. Have a summary already prepared so all the mediator has to do is look at one page that compares what your STBX stated versus what the bank records show. Have copies of the records ready to hand over. Further, if you are going for SS or CS, then create a document that shows what he would be paying you based on his lies versus what he would be paying you based on the truth. Again, have copies of this ready to hand over, and show your math.

dmari posted 5/2/2014 11:06 AM

You have a mediator ~ when is the next mediation? I'm wondering if during the mediation meeting, you can bring in your proof and that will persuade him to turn in an accurate financial report?

Maybe you could consult an attorney by the hour and ask how can you submit proof to the court of stbx's discrepancies?

I am so sorry I know how you are feeling. Since the beginning, my stbx has lied on every single financial report. We are heading to court at the end of the month and I will see if it even matters. It hasn't so far so I've already prepared myself that it won't at court.

Compartmented posted 5/2/2014 11:08 AM

He also took in cash that he did not deposit so I have no records of this.

Can you research more on this? Do you know who the clients are? If you get subpoena powers, you might be able to get statements from the clients. Do you have any records for his business?

Good luck. Lying does seem to be rampant. If you have proof of hidden assets and lying about income, it may help. What about his tax records? I think it's common for those to be produced for divorces.

Also, if he spends more than he "earns" that also shows lying about income, unless it's coming from your assets. Can you show his spending dollars?

Catwoman posted 5/2/2014 11:15 AM

Actually, this could be used to impeach his testimony not just on the financials but anything he says. This could be valuable, depending on the specifics of your case. Please see an attorney.

Cat

cantaccept posted 5/2/2014 11:38 AM

On dday #2 I went into his bank account to check on possible spending regarding new a. He had given me passwords after dday#1. I never checked how much money he earned, it just never occurred to me.

Until that night. Now I know that previous tax returns that we filed jointly are fraudulent. I just took his word for what he earned.

He keeps terrible records.

The only thing I can decipher from the business bank statements is how much he deposited, checks and cash (more than he claimed on federal taxes) and how much he spent on possible supplies for jobs by where the purchases were made.

I printed them from our home computer the night he left. Is that legal? We had not filed for divorce yet and he gave me the passwords.

I do not have a lawyer and there is no room in the budget for one, unless I get alimony.

I am sef representing and so is he. Our court date is June 10th, when we will meet with a mediator, if we have come to an agreement then divorce could be final on that date.

I really don't see that happening as I am NC with him. I guess I just have everything available and see if I am able to present it to the mediator.

I want this over as quickly as possible but at the same time barely pay the bills, minus heat and any unforeseen problems, car repairs... that I do not have any means to pay for.

We bought this house together, it is in my name only, it is underwater with issues that need to be resolved before it could be sold, thousands of $$$, it would solve nothing to sell as a rent would probably cost more.

I never would have purchased this house if I had ever thought I would be solely responsible for it. He feels he should not have to contribute because he is not living here.

I hate this! I would like to say take your $$$ and stick it up your a$$, but it has too big an impact on my quality of life for the foreseeable future. I need time to figure out how to earn more and right now I can barely do have.

Nature_Girl posted 5/2/2014 11:41 AM

Your state has guidelines on how much support he might pay you, based on what he makes. Follow those guidelines. Do the math. See what your financial reality is that you're facing.

cantaccept posted 5/2/2014 12:18 PM

I have been searching for guidelines for alimony in the state of Ct. Apparently there are none and it is taken on a case by case basis.

Chrysalis123 posted 5/2/2014 13:45 PM

Search CS calculator for CT.

Chrysalis123 posted 5/2/2014 13:47 PM

Do you still hold joint credit cards? If so, charge the retainer on the card. Marital debt is split in most states

You REALLY need an attorney. There is a lot at stake here.

Cant he is using your fear against you. He is counting on you to be passive and a doormat

cantaccept posted 5/2/2014 14:00 PM

We do not have any joint credit cards. He took me off after dday 1 when he left. I did not want to be on them after he moved back until I felt I could trust him.

He had a lot of debt from when he moved out the first time, maxed out all his cards.

I am trying not to be intimidated. I want to learn the process so that I am prepared. I believe that he owes me alimony for a time. I was blindsided with his choices and need some time to find a way to cover all the expenses.

I want to know when and how to present this information, I do not want to loose my opportunity.

From what I have read about CT laws, judge takes into account reason for divorce, disparity in income and earning potential with the goal being a reasonable standard of living for both.

hopefulfourus posted 5/2/2014 14:23 PM

If he is making a significant amount more than he is claiming, you are entitled to it!! I would also recommend obtaining a lawyer.

I am in a similar situation (lies about finances; hidden assets). My L will need to obtain a forensic accountant to figure all this out. Additionally, my L stated that they also look at "lifestyle" to income (for example, is he driving around in an $80,000 car when only showing $20,000 income, etc.

It will probably take some time and digging/proving, however this could increase any monies you may receive for CS and/or alimony. Maybe you can make him pay for your attorney's fees through the D.

TXMommy posted 5/2/2014 14:35 PM

So, what I would do is go to a lawyer for a consult. Explain everything, and that you can't pay them unless they help you get alimony. You never know, they may help you! They may let you make payments, etc... definitely at LEAST get a consultation.

Kajem posted 5/2/2014 15:36 PM

Have you spoken with an attorney? Some will go after your XH for fees! Most have the first consult is free or low cost. Can you do that?

A mediator is to mediate an agreement between the 2 of you. If you don't agree with what's been done - don't sign. You will be expected to make compromises. And so will he.

Figure out what is compromisable and what isn't. Make several lists " need - must have"
"Want - would like to have"
"Don't care - things I have but can let go for the other lists"

Then try to get inside his head and do the same lists... This helped me to negotiate. He wanted the bed, I wanted the dining room table. He got what he wanted, I got what I wanted!

You can prove he takes in $140k for the business, do the bank statements show how much he pays to run his business? Payroll, rent, electric, expenses for running a business. Advertising, entertaining etc. does it show him paying himself?

These expenses are necessary to run a business, and can be deducted from the total deposited to give you a rough idea of what he draws from the business. He may keep money in the business accounts to keep the business running or he can keep money in those accounts to keep you from getting your hands on it. So be diligent. If his deposit to expense amounts are within 10k of what he says he makes. I would be ok with the figures he's used in the financials. Some of this stuff isn't exact science it's ballpark science.

Hope I helped.

Hugs

K

osxgirl posted 5/2/2014 16:12 PM

You also say that you now know that he lied on previous tax returns. This is a whole other issue. You could end up on the hook for back taxes if the IRS investigates and decides that you had knowledge of this.

I understand not really having money for a lawyer. But this one thing alone makes me say that you desperately need one.