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Now he's leaving the kids....

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FaithnMe posted 5/2/2014 10:30 AM

So my wonderful husband.. soon to be ex will be moving to Florida in 3-4 weeks. He already has a job lined up and everything.
We have on DD together and he has a DS. They are both under 6 yrs old. I spoke to an attorney yesterday and I will be going for Sole Custody with no vistation in Florida (due to his track record the last nine months). Mind you, this is the guy that was fighting tooth and nail to get his DS to come live with us a year ago. Now he is up and leaving both of his children.
He hasnt seen our D in almost 2 weeks but is constantly with his gf and her little girl. I get it. Our M is over, he doesnt want me anymore, that is something im dealing with and getting stronger about. But how he can just up and leave his children just throws me for a hoop. I know he's selfish, but these poor babies.
I would have NEVER thought he would turn into this type of guy. Those kids were his world. We are only in our middle 20's and he was a young dad as well, but he made those babies number 1 priority constantly. Now.. they are just disposable.

I guess im just having a hard time accepting the fact that he can just write them off so fast, and for what? His plan is to go work with his friends uncle as a lineman and open a crossfit gym down there. He has nothing finacially to support him until he starts working.
He stated to me yesterday that if i dont allow our D to come visit him, that I should not expect a dime for him. That he will not pay child support.
ughhhh! im beyond frustrated. My heart is hurting for me, now is feels like its breaking all over again for the kiddos.

itainteasy posted 5/2/2014 11:55 AM

Uh, he WILL pay child support. Because that is court/state mandated.

Nice try douche.

Faith, please make sure to go through the courts on that----and if he chooses not to pay, then he gets his ass in arrears, and in jail for being a deadbeat.

Don't give into that bullying bullshit. IF down the road he proves trustworthy enough for you to allow your children to visit him there (When they are OLDER!), great. You can't facilitate the relationship between him and the kids. That's HIS job.

FaithnMe posted 5/2/2014 12:17 PM

THANK YOU itainteasy!!

That is exactly what I told him yesterday. Once he shows he can provide a stable enviornment for them and he is responsible enough to care for their needs 24/7 without help then we can absolutely sit down and re-do the agreement, but once they are older for sure. Until then, he can drive his happy ass on up to Ohio to see his children.

Crazy how fast the light switches with people. Father of the year to dead beat in about 10 months time. WTH?!

suckstobeme posted 5/2/2014 13:16 PM

What an asshole!

Try to get an order for CS in place asap. Even if you have an order, don't expect him to share his contact information with you. He sounds like the type of jackass who will go to Florida and disappear. The courts can't get to him unless you know where he is. He may force you to hire a PI to find him. If you can, start saving and preparing for that now. In theory, he has to pay CS and it will catch up with him at some point. In reality, it can be pretty easy for a young guy without a steady job to try to disappear.

You know what? If he's that much of a dick and that selfish, I'm glad he's leaving. That way, your daughter does not have to endure years of disappointment when he doesn't show up to her events or when he makes plans to visit and blows them off at the last minute. She doesn't have to see him parade bimbo after bimbo in front of her. He's making it real easy for her to start to adjust to life with the one stable, loving parent she has. With sole custody, you will be able to make all decisions on her behalf without ever having to consult him.

I know it hurts. It hurts something awful when they act like we had these kids alone. Even when you get stronger, he will still be able to hurt you through your DD. That's the way this works. The less he's around, the less chance he has to keep pouring salt in those wounds and hurting everyone around him.


osxgirl posted 5/2/2014 15:55 PM

Ok, am I reading what you said correctly? He is leaving BOTH kids with you?

Did you adopt DS? Or will DS be going back to his bio-mom?

Because if the answers to both of those are no, that is child abandonment. Just keeping DS would not necessarily be an option for you. (Not that I doubt your ability or desire to care for him, but there are all kinds of things that you need to be an official guardian for in this scenario!)

If the situation is what I'm surmising here (you aren't DS's legal guardian and WH plans to just leave him with you), get to a lawyer immediately. I can think of so many possible problems and scenarios. I don't want to scare you if you want to keep DS, but you could have some issues.

ETA: Oops - I re-read and saw that you have seen an attorney. Good. Just make sure he knows exactly what the situation with DS is. If he's going to be with you, you are going to need to be able to make decisions and such that only a legal guardian can make.

[This message edited by osxgirl at 3:58 PM, May 2nd (Friday)]

FaithnMe posted 5/2/2014 16:03 PM

H and DS's mother had a shared parenting agreement. We were in court back when all this started to try to obtain full custody because of DS's mothers stability issues. DS was with us usually 3-4 nights during the week and every other weekend. When the A started he would only get him on his weekend.

I am trying to keep contact with DS's mother to continue relatioship with him and him and my DD. Hopefully this is something I can achieve. Ive been apart of his life since he was 4 months old. I consider him my own.

But to answer your question, yes. He is leaving both children here.

Suckstobeme-- I hope the same thing. Being a single mom with a full time job as a manager at a bank and now working a second job to pick up his slack, I just want him to go away. Hearing my DD say she misses daddy every night and asks if he can come home kills me.

[This message edited by FaithnMe at 4:06 PM, May 2nd (Friday)]

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