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Newest Member: NumbEmptySad (61504)

User Topic: Getting past the intimacy
♀ 43200
Member # 43200
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How does one get past the jealousy or hurt of FWH being intimate with the FOW?

Prior to the A, both myself and my FWH were each others first and only. Knowing that he has been intimate with someone else has been heartbreaking as well as causing me to worry about comparison and sadly, even jealousy. There are times that I feel that the special intimate moments we shared are no longer mine. And although I have jealous moments that he knows what intimacy is like with someone else, I have never wanted to take sexual revenge.

We have come a long way in our R and I am confident in his love and commitment to me since the NC. I just need advise on how to get past this mental/emotional problem. I am desperately wanting to finally and completely get rid of the FOW from taking up mental space.

[This message edited by kebp at 12:53 PM, May 2nd (Friday)]

Posts: 3 | Registered: Apr 2014
♀ 42837
Member # 42837
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I am sorry I don't have much in the way of advice to offer. I'm sure someone will have some helpful ideas to try.

How long have you been R? You say you've come a long way, but how long in terms of time?

Some feelings just seem to take a very long time to fade in their intensity.

Me: BW, 39
Him: WH, 39
Married 15 years
2 children aged 11 and 8

DD #1 26 August 2013 - EA on FB and phone with a former flame OW#2 for about 8 months
DD #2 30 April 2014 - A lack of boundaries for 10 months in 2011 with OW#1

Posts: 121 | Registered: Mar 2014
♀ 43221
Member # 43221
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I could have written this post...before his A we too were our one and only... I have struggled with this from day one. Especially since she is from our high school days together...I was jealous that she ' knew' him...when I talked to my IC she got in my face and said SHE DOESN'T KNOW HIM...she was right...they were two very fractured people that got their rocks off together...he knows what making love REALLY means...that guy who he never WANTED to be was a selfish ass...she can have those memories...she divorced her husband in the middle of all this mess...
I hope she finds peace

3 adult children 1D 2S
LTA 2010-2012
D-day - 11-11-2012
status - reconciling and very hopeful

" I will not define myself by what went wrong yesterday when I can draw upon Life and Love right now." R.R

Posts: 2524 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: sunny california
Topic Posts: 3

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