I have gotten to a nice place of apathy about what a complete, clueless, halfwit loser he is and I am not sad about him. I would rather eat my own eyeball than be with his pathetic flabby ass again. I am trying to get a job and start my new life, and deal with the aftermath now.
My STBX has been fighting me all along on parenting time.He is also being a huge douche about the money.
He thinks he is "entitled" to 50/50 cutody and that is not the law here, it is maximizing time with each parent in the best interest of the children, yada, yada, yada. This idiot was having an affair with a whore he met online at Ashley Madison for over 1.5 years and then finally told me upon my return from vacation with our children last summer. I was done.
As one would expect, he was pretty checked out in regard to the kids and family prior to the divorce, but now his version of history is that he has been an exemplary father. His history of poor decision making and reckless behavior during the A leads me to a definitive "Um No!"
So, he hired a total jackass as a lawyer. This guy looks like a charactiture of a lawyer, or a lawyer who would go on the bachelor and talk about what a hard ass lawyer he is, but that he really has a big heart...douche is an understatement.
Most recently he filed a temporary order alledging all kinds of garbage about alienation, and withholding, and demanding his 5-2-2-5. This was stupid, given he already has EOW, 1 weekday night and one afternoon, a decent plan in place now for awhile and I support the kids and their relationship with their father despite what I think of him. We had to file a response, and it was ROCK STAR awesome. It made them look so, so stupid and litigious and like they were wasting the courts time.
We had our first court meeting, the 30 min status conference. 10 minutes before it, they tried to settle by offering some even more complicated version of 5-2-2-5 but every other week. Um, still NO! When the judge came in, his baby lawyer couldn't stop talking, and talked himself into a hole about the temp order request, saying that "he practically has equal time now, they are just alleging some serious claims about his parental fitness, just to get an extra couple of days." DUH. Why do you need a temp order if you "practically have equal time already" DUH. The judge slapped their hands on that one, and I could tell he could see right through all their crap. There are no winners in this, but if there were, it was me that day.
We made a counter offer, they sent back their same offer again. It was so contentious, he wants to drop kids on the curb and not allow the other into eachothers residences without express permission, no first right of refusal, all kinds of douchery to try and show me WHO IS THE BOSS, none of which is "in the best interest of the children." I am not even raging mad anymore, I just think he is delusional and sad and pathetic and bat shit CRAZY.
Okay, here is what I have to say to anyone in an earlier stage than me, facing an ugly legal situation. DO NOT BACK DOWN. Get a damn good lawyer, and don't let the other side intimidate you. That has been baby lawyers strategy all along, to try and bully me, and get me to believe he will win so I will cave. Because of all his legal bullying, we are now asking that he pay my lawyer fees.
Everyone has been telling me, "oh, it is a 50/50 state, you might be wasting all this money and get nothing." The lawyers and the pc's and the therapists, and of course the father's rights groups, are all buying into 50/50 as an assumed default, when it simply is not the law, and not the way it all goes down here in this state.
If you know you are doing the right thing by your kids, you have a solid rationale, and it is not about you or any revenge or whatever, then you should go for it and not back down. You need to get all the facts, and know the laws, and all the factors involved, and then fight. Looks like this asshole is going to try and drag me into an ugly, contentious trial because for some reason he is so very angry at me for all the lying and cheating he did, and for some reason wants to punish me. FTG. I am at peace with it, and I am playing defense, and I think I am going to win!
BTW, totally not saying 50/50 is bad in other situations, or anything about Dads vs Moms, just not good for our family situation so please don't blast me for discrimination!
FTG, and the baby lawyer he rode in on.
A-fucking-men. You sound strong and like you've got a strategy with the kids' best interests while he sounds like he's throwing a mantrum.
My stbx also was abandonded by his Dad, and I believe that his fight for the 50/50 is his way of NOT being his Dad with respect to the kids, even if he is being his DAD with respect to his marraige. I also believe it is ALL about him, not at all about "best interests of the children."
Work with your lawyer to develop your story, that YOU have their best interests as primary and he does not, use history of poor decision making and reckless behavior (if that is the case) use his crazy schedule and lack of consistency, and get any proof you can that the back and forth is bad for them- any illnesses, evidence of stress, behavior changes, grades, etc.
I think I will get my way on this, but I am at peace with the fact that I may not. I know I will regret it though, if I don't fight for what is best for my girls. PM if you want! I am on this.
My STBXWH was always too busy to be home before 8-9pm (on an early night), well after our son was fed, bathed, and in bed. (Now I know that he wasn't actually at work.) For some reason, he now thinks he "deserves" 50/50 custody because "it's only fair." Ugh!
