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Newest Member: farmgrl (61811)

User Topic: Should I quit my job?
♀ 42270
Member # 42270
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last year I got a new job that doubled my salary. I was trying to better our situation and wanted to move from the area that me and WH were, and this was the ticket out. Of course, that's when he decided to sleep around (though I have found out since it wasn't the first time)...

Anyway, I'm trying to get my ducks in a row to prepare myself - mentally, emotionally, and financially - to file. I do NOT want to have to give this lying cheating man spousal support, nor support him with health insurance or my 401k retirement savvy. I'm thinking it would be reallllllly nice to quit, and take some time to myself - perhaps a couple months that I can keep up appearances and establish that I am not in fact the income earner - and I could travel to see family and friends, regroup, enjoy life again (!) etc. I also hate this job! It's not what I wanted to be doing, I just took it as a temporary interim, to bring us to a new/better chapter in life, which has turned out to be a nightmare and a disaster. I will not be staying here long term, perhaps even short term, but it is good pay and benefits in the meantime. I thought I could wait out the year (to look good on my resume, and to live out the year rental lease), but I am so disgusted being around this man, I don't think I can take it.

On the flip side - I am terrified of the future, and my future security (even though I have been the breadwinner).

Can I please please quit this job? I think I need permission...

[This message edited by alleyk at 8:43 PM, May 2nd (Friday)]

Posts: 111 | Registered: Jan 2014
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you will get yourself in serious trouble if you quit your job. Typically there is a three-year "look back" as far as tax returns & pay stubs. So you quitting your job now isn't going to establish you as a non-wage earner, but instead it will be completely obvious to everyone what you are trying to do. You will prejudice the judge against you. This isn't the way.

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!

Posts: 10722 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
♂ 42858
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would not quit. Even on no fault states spousal support can b challenged if infidelity involved. Talk to a L

I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
♀ 38966
Member # 38966
Default  Posted: 1:41 AM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Of course, you might need to quit your job. His cheating caused you such emotional distress that you could no longer focus at work. Right?

Me: BW 50
Him:Peter Pan late 50's
DS: 13
Married 14 years, together 17 years
DDay #1 Nov.2012, plus more, more, more!
OW : 25 years younger


Posts: 307 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: NW
♀ 42270
Member # 42270
Default  Posted: 2:37 AM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(RedWheelBarrow) - YES, actually that is the absolute truth! I cannot focus, have not been able to focus for over 6 months... !!!

I have always been an over-achiever, but I cannot put any effort into this job, and I and waiting/wishing/hoping they fire me.

Or, I quit.

Posts: 111 | Registered: Jan 2014
♀ 24572
Member # 24572
Default  Posted: 4:05 AM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are clearly a person of talent, or you wouldn't have got this interim job (speaking here as an interim contractor myself). So I don't think you need to worry about finding lucrative work in the future. I would do exactly what you are thinking about, yes. Quit, leave, travel, recover... then file. As an interim you're unlikely to be seen as a good prospect for SS, surely, anyway? And yes, make sure you have a good lawyer so he can't touch your money.

Me - 50
Him - 51
DDay 21 March 2009
Divorcing and delighted!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.

Posts: 1463 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
♀ 42270
Member # 42270
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Perhaps it would be better (if I do) to just say that I got laid off?

I hate that I have to get strategic like this, I've always lived authentically... But when dealing with a lying, cheating, manipulating WH - what else can I do????

Posts: 111 | Registered: Jan 2014
♀ 16958
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree just quitting will look bad. I guess you could try the emotional distress argument. But it seems to me the best solution is to find a job you love even/especially if it pays less and simply switch since you are not happy in this one.

Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!

Posts: 949 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
♀ 39551
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bless my pregnancy.
I've "cut my hours" (I'm 43 and pregnant with multiple medical issues).
If they fire me because I can't work enough to satisfy them I won't hold it against them. I've said as much to my boss and the owner, esp considering how wonderful they have been (total shocker, job I hate/d).

I'm no longer worried about who thinks what or expects what. I am going to do what is best for me and damn the consequences.

If a lower paying, less stressful job was what I thought was best for me, I'd be doing that too.

If I could afford to quit my job and take care of ds, myself and the baby I would do that too.

But I'm not in a major legal battle with my D. At least not so far.

30 days away.

Posts: 557 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 33806
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, May 4th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would search for a job that you really like..Can you file after you have the new job that you like better?

To survive the economic consequences of D you may HAVE to work, but why be stuck in a job you hate?

I am not in R..I am getting my ducks in a row too..I have been the main breadwinner all of our 38 year marriage..

I was old enough and had enough service years to retire at my job ..I had the choice to retire last year, or keep working there and take a forced retirement in 3 years time due to downsizing..

I decided to retire last year due to health reasons..Within a day of coming back from a 4 week FMLA, I gave my employer a month's notice and retired....At that point I had been working same job and company all of my adult life without any extended breaks at all..

So I decided to draw on my full pension and take an extended break...I have been retired 13 months today..I would have felt just as stuck in my situation had I kept working at that job..I was completely unhappy and stressed about every aspect of my life... My pension isn't much money monthly but I get by, and I feel like I can breathe a little now.. I haven't filed yet..My cheating WH has had to take up the slack and get a full time job..About time...

Don't quit just because D in on the horizon, but by the same token don't let job burnout be another stressor to add to your full plate..

[This message edited by doggiediva at 10:25 AM, May 4th (Sunday)]

Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

60 years young..

Posts: 3929 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 10

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