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Breezy150 posted 5/3/2014 15:08 PM

He just told me that I have to decide today if I was going to R and know it would work, or D nothing in between. He won't live in limbo.

I told him since he needed an answer today and separation wasn't a good enough answer then definitely D.

It is really like the monster is back. I don't know him. I am sad, heart broken really, but also peaceful. Looking forward to a new adventure.

This shit sucks, and because he got so mean today dealing out punishments, threatened to turn my phone off, now two of my kids are so mad they want nothing to do with him.

I still just wish he could see how much his selfishness cost everybody around him. Not just me.

brokengirl37 posted 5/3/2014 15:29 PM

((((((HUGS))))

I am so sorry he is being an asshole. Wishing you strength and peace Breezy. You got this!!

confused615 posted 5/3/2014 15:33 PM

Goodness this man has nerve.

You are a few months out from dday2, from finding out he took the A underground. And he expects you to tell him it's all gonna be ok, poor muffin, or it's over, because HE can't live in limbo.

He can eat shit.

Skan posted 5/3/2014 15:37 PM

Cool. If that's his option, then full guns ahead! Get your own phone on your own plan, start setting yourself up to be independent of him, and get his ass served. His choices, his consequences. (((hugs)))

justinpaintoday posted 5/3/2014 15:41 PM

Sorry for the bad treatment. Looks like he has chosen for u

Breezy150 posted 5/3/2014 15:51 PM

Thank you all. I need words of encouragement. Today I can't even manage to get out of bed. I will have everything lined up and get things moving Monday. Until then I may stay in bed the whole time.

confused615 posted 5/3/2014 16:00 PM

(((((Breezy150))))))

You don't have to get out of bed today. If you need to hide away, it's ok. Take care of you.

But Monday...grab those bitch boots, strap them on, and kick his sorry ass out of your way. You don't have time for him and his bullshit. You've wasted enough time on him.

Breezy150 posted 5/3/2014 17:06 PM

Thank you, that is the plan. Hide today, gather strength, and fight!

NoMorDeceit posted 5/3/2014 17:50 PM

I am sorry. He is clueless, selfish, and still fully buried in wayward thinking. R is really all about how much HE does, how hard HE works to help you heal, then and ONLY then can you even make a reasonable and logical decision to begin the journey to R...in which HE will still do a majority of the heavy lifting and a so sorry to his royal selfishness, but there are NO guarantees in life. Ugh. He just wants to rugsweep and go back to his old ways.

tushnurse posted 5/3/2014 18:03 PM

I hope you can see this for the blessing that it is. You no mo get have to doubt if he is lying or really trying. You no longer have to tolerate his emotional abuse.
He just handed you the clean slate to get away fron him and learn to be happy with you. Accept his gift. He is small broken and too much of a pussy to even attempt to heal himself.
Start your to do list. Find happiness in your kids and know this is the new beginning you deserve.

(((and strength)))

Breezy150 posted 5/3/2014 18:15 PM

Thank you all again. I do see it that way. I am terrified but excited terrified. I have married to this man since I was 17. My kids are grown, I can discover or reinvent ME. I haven't worked for anyone but him for 20 years or so and that is the scariest part with social anxiety and PTSD, but that is just another thing to conquer. I will not only live but I will thrive.

tushnurse posted 5/3/2014 18:42 PM

Breezy honey I strongly believe and have said it before I think that when he is no longer a problem in your life everyday that your social anxieties and phobias are going to greatly improve.
His abuse, his tearing down of you on a daily basis goes way beyond what you realize. You will be stronger, and happier.

SBB posted 5/3/2014 18:47 PM

There is no venom in true remorse - whether in R or S/D.

The sad clown also flipped the feral switch once he realised I was serious. I'm glad I stuck to my guns because it just fast forwarded a process that may have otherwise taken several more years of False R and another DD. That would be a hard thing to forgive myself for.

His complete lack of remorse really was a gift that freed me well before I had the strength or courage to free myself.

Breezy150 posted 5/3/2014 20:44 PM

Tushnurse thank you for all of your kind words and I do agree about that, I had them almost under control when dday hit. I had found strength going through the murder trials and my anxieties were almost gone my PTSD was triggered so rarely that I considered it gone. Then dday hit and right back to square one.

SBB I agree much better now than later for sure. I never jumped in all the way for R, just offered the gift if he did the work, then true to form for me, I started doing his work. I started grabbing at any little thread that he would get it but I was fooling myself.

I am not sure even if he was remorseful and doing everything perfect that it still wouldn't have been a deal breaker for me. The timing killed the marriage as much as the A, he abandoned us when we needed him most. After the murder my son lived with us, we dealt with death threats,swat actually guarded our home on that Christmas Day until all the murders were found and arrested, attempted suicides, drug abuse, and four of us diagnosed with PTSD, only WH didn't have it because he pretended it didn't happen and started an A.

I am strong because with my guidance and perseverance my family overcame every one of those things I mentioned above. We won't ever be the same as before the murder, but we are stronger and we did it all without him, we don't need him now.

Sorry, wow, that rambled and kinda turned into a rant. Lol

LA44 posted 5/3/2014 21:03 PM

I am so sorry for the hurt he has brought to you.

I also read your profile. ((Breezy150)), you deserve so many blessings. I am glad your son is leading a happy life too.

Peace to you both.

nowiknow23 posted 5/3/2014 21:33 PM

I will not only live but I will thrive.

Breezy150 posted 5/3/2014 22:19 PM

Thank you nowiknow and LA44. I love the support I get here, wouldn't be as strong without all of you.

LA44 thank you for the kind words about my son. I am amazed at the man he has become after so much tragedy. He is an inspiration to me.

Edie posted 5/4/2014 08:09 AM

((((Breezy)))

Your excitement about your new life is wonderful and really infectious.

And i am amazed you have grandchildren at such a young age. How fantastic.

tushnurse posted 5/4/2014 08:49 AM

((breezy))) I hope you are waking up to a similar beautiful spring morning that I am.
You are so strong. You are more than capable. You are not only going to survive this you are going to thrive.

Please get up today, and look in the mirror and tell yourself
"I am strong, capable, smart, and awesome, I deserve more than what I have now and i am going to take it today!"

(((and strength)))

Breezy150 posted 5/4/2014 11:36 AM

Thank you Tushnurse that is exactly what I needed to wake up and read. Spent my first night in my new basement area, and it wasn't bad.

Of course as soon as I started moving he started the "I'm sorry, I will do anything." When I say no he says "I am just pointing out that I am trying so this decision is all on you. Manipulation 101. I told him it's time to work on himself not to try and work on me. I feel pretty good this morning too especially after crying half the night.

Edie I was a grandma the same month I turned 35, young yes but they are the lights of my life and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I was barely 17 when I married WH and our daughter was born 6 weeks later.