I want to keep it because I really like this house, want the kids to have the stability, like my neighbors, have a lot of equity so the mortgage is cheaper than renting a smaller place, and moving is a hassle.
There are some benefits to moving into a smaller place because I could cut down on maintanence and electric bills, and have fresh start in a new life. I am not so concerned about the last one, because I am the one that decorated, cleaned, loved, cared for our house and it has my mark all over it vs his, not a lot of demons for me at all.
Anyone know the pros and cons of trading 401K dollars to buy out house? Thanks
Donyou have an investment advisor you can talk with?
Which boils down to trying to let go of the emotional part, and look at the long-term dollars. What is the upkeep and maintenance cost? Energy efficiency? Resale value? Is the neighborhood stable, or improving, or declining? Major repairs looming?
Right now, 401k dollars look distant, but when you get closer to retirement age, will you have enough?
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.
On the other hand you have to live somewhere. In my case we sold the marital home and I was able to buy a smaller home in the same school district. The kids and I love our house and it is far easier for me to maintain.
No surprise "special assessments," no maintenance, no worries really.
It works for me right now.
I live in one of the most expensive areas of the country. The only way I could have a house is to have a suite, and then I'd have to deal with maintenance and tenants, on a Sunday, when I'm not in the mood...
As an introvert I don't think that lifestyle would work for me.
I kept the house. I hate the house. It's too big, it needs someone to put a ton of cash into it to fix things, I can't maintain it, I hate the house. However; my x put us in a ton of debt before leaving. He was unemployed many times that I managed to keep us out of debt, but then he got his real estate licence, which costs money each month, and didn't do a thing with it. I went back to college to be able to up my salary, then he left without looking back.
I talked to money people, trying to figure out what to do. The way it worked for me, by the time we would sell and pay off the debt, I would have had NOTHING left to put a down payment on something else, and rentals here are almost non-existent, therefore very expensive, like, more than my mortgage, plus utilities. By keeping the house, I was able to "buy" him out by taking more of the debt while he left the equity to me. It was the only way I could keep a roof over the kids heads.
Once DD is finished high school, I will move north to a smaller town to something I can afford better. I would move sooner, if I could figure it out. I can now keep DD in her present school, as I work there too, and they would let me transfer her in. However, I have to be there by 7:30, and I can barely get DD out the door for 7:20 for the 7 minute drive. I can't imagine how I would get her out of the door at 6:50 if I moved to the other town. I would do it though.
I'm working on a 3 year plan at the moment...decluttering to get this place show-ready. I will have to sell it "as is" and lose a ton of cash because i don't have the money to fix the things that need to be fixed.
If I could go back...I would do the same thing. I really don't see what other option I had at the time. However, I should have done a better job keeping it clean and decluttering, therefore maybe if something presented itself I could manage to do it.
Yeah, I'm feeling kinda screwed on the housing front.
WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.
I'm glad I've stayed here and let my children and I heal.
What I wish I would have done was to put money back for home repairs which can cost alot---like the leaky shower handle and a squeaky dryer.
What I have come to realize is that in 15 years my home will be paid off and I will have no rent/mtg payment -- I'll prob be able to pay if off early, also.
I also got some 401K money and put it into a retirement account at a bank--a trustee to trustee transfer, so no tax penalty. It's there if I need it.
We had the house appraised ($250.00 appraisal fee) -- I WISH I had done this w/o my H knowledge and NOT at the last minute. I would have had a couple of different appraisers come out and take the lowest! Anyway, so it shows I have 30,000 equity in the house so I got 15,000 less from the 401k.
I'm happy I stayed here, it's the best for my children, and I will either stay here long time, or when they go to college move then...it all depends on my life at the time.
[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 5:44 PM, May 4th (Sunday)]
me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Now though, I realize it was the best thing for my kids too. When SO came into the picture, they were very accepting of him and our relationship. They love him to death... their dad on the other hand, they have a harder time seeing with a different girl around. They've only seen her when he has invited her to hang out at the old house. I firmly believe they have a difficult time with this because they associate that space with us as a family, and me. Not this chick (ow, btw). So him bringing her in what I had made our home has made it harder on them to accept and be ok with.
He has also made comments on why he's the one out if the house. Really? He is choosing D over R, he's still in A, he's the one that wants out. So I'm now recommending we look into selling the house. I just hope we can stay in the school feeder we are in. Tough.
I am warming up to the idea of moving to a smaller place in the same school district. I can use the equity to put alot down and have a low mortgage, of course, need a JOB first. The kids will be pissed, but it is too big a place...and many of the neighbors seemed to be moving lately...for one reason or another.