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Got some perspective from Auntie

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StillLivin posted 5/3/2014 23:48 PM

Was talking to my Aunt this morning.
Something she said really stuck out. Thought I'd share.
She said that unremorseful cheaters like him that do the whole gambit of blameshifting, demonizing, gaslighting, and continue in their A will never ascend. They refuse to own their mess. Therefore, they will not do the work to fix themselves and, thus, are incapable of ascending to become a better person.
However, the BS will always know that they were/are honorable, have integrity, and are just plain old-fashioned good people.
We can only get better, but they will only descend or stay stagnant!

SBB posted 5/4/2014 01:27 AM

I've said before OWUmpteen didn't get the man I thought I married - she got the idiot I did marry.

She knows what he is - what she doesn't know is that he didn't cheat because she or any of the whores were so wonderful, he cheated because he's not so wonderful.

Lather.Rinse.Repeat. She's a cheater too so I'm kind of rooting for her to be the one to cheat first. I suspect she already has. I just hope it isn't on another innocent, unsuspecting BW or BH.

nekorb posted 5/4/2014 07:37 AM

I agree with this!

At least I can walk away from this disaster with my integrity intact knowing I stayed on the high road. He has sacrificed his morals, ethics, integrity, and has become exactly what he never wanted to be.

I can only hope he will get counseling and get himself straightened around so he can be a good dad to our kids again.

I wish I could warn the OW away from my WH. He may seem like a KISA, but he is really a hot mess inside. She's young and has no boundaries and her own messed up shit that she is rugsweeping.

Oh well, not my problem.

LeftOutintheCold posted 5/4/2014 08:24 AM

This is all so true. I, too, will walk away with my integrity intact while my WH will just continue to crumble into something I thought he never wanted to be. He will never be able to regain the respect that people once had for him.

The OW is a serial cheater and a master liar. It's only a matter of time before my WH realizes he was played a fool, but by the time he does, I'm going to be long gone. Heck, I'm already checking out.

myowndystopia posted 5/4/2014 09:38 AM

And same here. I wake up every morning knowing I maintain my integrity. I can look in the mirror and know that what other folks see is what they get from me. I try to live by example for my kids.
The one thing I do struggle with is as a Christian my thoughts and feelings towards STBXWH. At this point I can't even pray for him and he is one broken soul! So another thing I don't like about him is how he brings out this bad side of me.

StillLivin posted 5/4/2014 19:45 PM

I made him my everything and my top priority. He let me be his nothing and I was never his priority.
I won't make that mistake again in a relationship, but it is nice to know that I will continue to grow and only get better like fine wine and he will only rot.
He did so much more for Shrek in the first month he moved her out here than he ever did for me after 10 years of raising his children and sharing selflessly with him and the boys. She never did anything for his children. I realize now that THAT was my fault. There were never consequences for broken promises, forgotten anniversaries or birthdays (almost all of them in 10 years), etc. He couldn't have hurt me or taken me for granted if I didn't let him. But Auntie was right, I am still better than him even though he acted like I was just dirt.
I'm finally finding happiness again more and more each day.
I wanted to share, because I know this cycle of emotional abuse is so common in all of us. We didn't know our own value, and all along we were priceless gems!!!!

imwideawake posted 5/4/2014 20:03 PM

Early on I read once on here that in the end most BSs go on to have better lives, but the WSs' lives are sub par. I believed it, some how in my grief and pain I knew that was true. And I read it here every day.

[This message edited by imwideawake at 8:04 PM, May 4th (Sunday)]

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